Talim's Adventure of DOOM and Unluckiness!
by krizzygirl206
Summary: TAoDaU is the misadventures of the cast of Soul Calibur 3 & now 4 ; full of curry, phoenix downs and Hot Pockets.
1. The Laughing Demon and the Monkey Boy

Disclaimer Thing: I don't own anything from Soul Calibur, Namco does. Also, anything else mention in this story (like songs and such) aren't mine unless stated otherwise.

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**Chapter One: The Laughing Demon and the Monkey Boy**

Talim looked out at the farmlands before her. The sun blazed overhead and she could see the next town in the far distance. She sighed and picked back up her pack. It's weight pulled her to the side, making her slouch.

"Erh. Why did I agree on this stupid trip?" She asked herself. She asked so many times why, but could only come up with one answer:

She was too nice.

It was her nature to be nice and caring to others. Her parents raised her to love everything and to be kind to someone, even if they were the opposite to you. She needed to break that habit, but when ever she tried, she would cry and say sorry to everyone around her for being so mean. Old habits don't die quick, for whoever said that in the first place...

Talim started down the hill in front of her, taking as quick as steps as she could considering she was carrying a 500 lb bag on her back. She would have to get rid of some of it when she reached town, she made a mental note of it. It had most of her bedroom in it, because she couldn't leave anything behind for too long. A change of clothes, jim jams, a hair brush for her unruly hair, a toothbrush, the money which she had earned from her chores, food, bird seed for when Alun showed up, and Tonfa, her elbow blades.

Just as she was walking across the farmlands a voice called out her name. She looked around to see Yunsung and Seung Mina running towards her, Mina waving like a the maniac she was. And Yunsung's hair blazed brightly in the sun. Anyone would have thought his hair was on fire if they didn't know him personally.

"Hey, Talim!" Yunsung yelled running faster to reach her.

"Hey..." She tried to yell, but it came out in a whisper. It was nice to see her old friends again, but the memories it brought back where horrifying.

Soul Edge. That was why they had met. To destroy it, and they had. But so many lives where lost doing so. Talim held back her tears and swallowed hard. She had to stay happy, she didn't want to worry her friends.

Yunsung had reached her by then and crushed her in a bear hug. Talim kicked at his legs to make him let go, but nothing worked. Seung Mina noticed this and thwap'd Yunsung on the head with Scarlet Thunder. He dropped Talim, and backed off, rubbing the back of his head where Mina hit him.

"Lay off, lover boy," She giggled. Offering Talim a hand she added, "Sorry 'bout that! Yunsung's been like this ever since I told him we were gonna meet up. All hyper and happy and junk."

Talim laughed and glanced up at Yunsung and Mina. Wow, was she really that short? She looked back down and shuffled her feet around in the dirt. Soul Edge was gone, so why did Mina ask for her to come along on this trip? She was just about to ask when Mina spoke up again.

"So, after we get back to town, we'll just take your things to the Inn, and then..." She made a drum roll with her hands on her legs. "We're gonna go out and eat!"

"Is all you ever think about is food, Mina?" Yunsung growled. "I like food too, but man, if you keep eating like you have, you're gonna get fa---" Seung Mina went to attack Yunsung with Scarlet Thunder again, but he ducked, which has bad, because she then tried a kick and got him in a bad place.

Before Talim could do anything, Mina had grabbed her wrist and taken her pack and started dragging Talim off to town. Yunsung lay on the ground whimpering in pain.

"Don't worry about him," Seung Mina shouted so Yunsung could hear her. "He's a **MONKEY BOY**, he can take care of himself!"

"Ghaa! Mina, I'll kill you!" He bellowed back, while struggling to get back up on his feet.

"That's only if you can get up!" She replied. Laughing and giggling all the way to the town, Talim felt unsafe around her now. Mina's laugh was the scariest thing the world had ever heard. Even scarier than Nightmare and that gross arm of his.

"Eh..." Was all Talim could muster in such a shocked state. She was happy to see Mina again, but she would have been even happier if the laugh didn't come with her.

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Thank you for reading! I'm trying to write a fanfiction in regular story format to make the Admin. happy with me! It's working, but I do so miss my script format stories... (sniff).

ANYWHO! Stay tuned for the continuation of...

Talim's Adventure of DOOM and Unluckiness!


	2. Curry

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own Soul Calibur. Enjoy!

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**Chapter Two: Curry**

The town was a bustling mess of people from all over the world. Markets and traveling salesmen lined the streets and the smell of many kinds of food filled the air along with the shouts of the owners of stores.

Talim couldn't stand it! It was too loud for her liking, and way to smelly. A man had passed her with the stench of wine all over him. She had to plug her nose, and wipe tears from her eyes. The smell was unbearable. He went on after stumbling over a bottle that he had dropped.

Seung Mina seemed not to mind. Yunsung, who had regained his pride and joined them again, said that she **likes **the smell. How could anyone like it? My God... She is crazy, Talim thought as they made their way to the Inn.

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Maxi pulled on Kali Yuga, which was sticking out of the ground in front of him. Kilik was no where to be seen.

"Hmm..." He looked closely at the ground for footprints that might lead to the missing man. "Nothing. Drat." He glanced up and searched the area for Xianghua. Nothing again.

This is bad, Maxi thought to himself. Really bad. He ran around to see if he could find Xianghua's sword, and then finally assume that the two were missing. Up ahead a blue sword hilt was leaning on a tree, the blade some feet away from it.

He spotted a town in the distance and squinted at the setting sun. He'd start there, and ask the people in the farmlands surrounding the town. He had to find Kilik and Xianghua, no matter what!

Maxi picked up the broken sword and started to walk. Every once and a while he'd stop and ask the men and women in the fields if they had seen a brown haired man and a Chinese woman go through here. They recalled a blood red haired man run through here with two girls. Another man said that an Asian woman dashed through here a couple days ago. Maxi wondered if it was Xianghua, but it could be Taki for he knew. Argh! He hated Taki, and there was a story to go with this deep hatred of his...

_Back when Soul Edge was still around (During SC3) Maxi had been walking around the port town in India. He was on his day off, for it was Thursday, and all Dandies of the East Seas take their day off on a Thursday. He was enjoying the lovely weather that day, eating delicious curry with rice and veggies when, out of no where, a ninja fell from the sky, swooped up his meal, and jumped on the nearby dock. The She-Ninja laughed and ate the curry down without another word. Maxi was in tears for she had punched him in the gut before that. But the curry! His precious curry EATEN by some ninja in need of a bra! He would have his revenge soon, and when that happened, he would go out and buy some curry and eat it in front of her to make her feel bad for what she had done to him._

"Hey, you guys got any curry?" Maxi asked after the man had told him about the Asian lady.

"What's 'curry?'"

"Oh... Uh, food."

"We's got food, but none of that 'curry.'"

"Well, never mind. I'll just... go to town and see if they have any."

"Okay, take care lad."

Maxi took off in the direction of town, the only though on his mind was getting some curry. He had forgotten all about Kilik and Xianghua, and had even dropped their weapons after thinking about curry so much.

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Well, Talim thought, at least this restaurant is nice. She looked around at all the beautiful decorations and the wallpaper and floors. It was an Indian restaurant, and Talim had already decided on what she wanted and so had Mina, but Yunsung was having trouble deciding. The waiter was getting impatient.

"Would you _please_ decide, sir. I have many more costumers waiting to be served." He sounded very annoyed.

"Keep your shirt on, man." Yunsung snapped. "I'm stuck between curry and this thing..." He showed the waiter on his menu.

"That's Aloo Bonda."

"What's that?"

"Aloo Bonda."

"Yes, but what is it?"

"Why don't you order it and see for yourself?"

"Well, o... kay."

The whole restaurant cheered and wooted. The waiter sighed with relief and walked off with their order to the kitchen, running like he was carrying the Olympic Torch.

"He's gonna charge us extra because of that!" Mina kicked him in the leg under the table. "You can pay the bill then!"

"Ow! Hey, what makes you think I have money?"

"You don't?"

"No, why? Do you?" Yunsung's voice rose.

"Shhh, don't shout!" She whispered. Getting into a huddle with Talim and Yunsung. "What about you, Tal?"

"My money is at the Inn! And half of it went to pay for my room!" She whimpered. She'd never gotten in trouble for not paying a bill before.

Seung Mina thought for a moment, "Okay, then this is what we'll do..."

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MUAWHAHAHAHA! Okay, so here's the 2nd Chapter. I felt like putting Maxi in because I have something good planned for later on. Also, you gotta love the eyebrows. I do, but not his man cleavage.

TTFN,

Kristen


	3. Battle of le' Curry

Disclaimer: I don't own SC! How many times do I have to say that?

Oh, and thank you to the people who reviewed! It means a lot to me to know people like my stories.

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**Chapter Three: Battle of le' Curry**

Maxi could smell it. Curry. And lots of it! He must find it, no matter what!

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"... And that's our plan." Seung Mina finished. Smiling in that evil way of hers. It made Talim and Yunsung shudder in fear.

"So, who's gonna pretend to choke?" Yunsung asked picking up his fork and stabbing the end of the table with it.

Mina looked at him. So did Talim, only because she didn't want to choke. Yunsung retreated out of his seat, and put his hands out in front of him.

"No! No way! I am not doing it, and you can't make me!"

Seconds later, as their food arrived, Yunsung was seated and ready for choking. "I can't believe I'm doing this..."

The food smelled great! Mina had ordered some sort of weird veggie thing and Talim had curry and rice, while Yunsung had Aloo Bonda (Man, I love typing that). It smelled so good, the author wanted some curry right now, but it was almost time for school and couldn't make some in that short of time.

"Dig in!" Mina chirped.

"Bon appetite!"

"Heh, yeah, for you guys at least..."

By the end of the meal, Mina had had 3 servings of whatever she ordered, Yunsung; 2, for he knew he'd have to choke it back up, and Talim was still on her first plate curry. Over half of it was still there, but she wanted to savor every last bite.

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It must be here. It has to be! Maxi stood outside a building, the smell of curry overpowering all. An evil smirk, much like Seung Mina's, spread across his face.

"Haahahahahahaha!" Maxi laughed, hands in the air.

"Um, sir, are you planning on coming in?" A woman at the door asked. She looked quiet startled at Maxi's laugh attack.

"Oh, yes..." Maxi straightened out his jacket and dusted off his sleeves. "My party's in there." He had no money, so he'd just steal someone else's food.

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Talim sensed an evil aura enter the restaurant. I mean, she had been sensing an evil aura coming from Seung Mina ever since they joined up again, but, no. This was different. It was more of a manly evil aura... No, still Mina.

"You guys..." Talim informed. "There's an evil force somewhere in here."

"Don't worry," Talim looked up at Yunsung. "It's just Mina." Mina then kicked Yunsung again, making him yelp.

"Shut it, monkey boy." She grumbled, taking a a gulp of her drink.

"No, it's more... womanly? I wanna say, but, I think it's a man." Talim went on. "Maybe it's one of the people we met back when Soul Edge was around!"

"Well, if that's the case, then maybe Nightmare's back?" Mina suggested.

"No, not that evil."

"Siegfried?"

"No."

"Taki?"

"She's a woman."

"Are you sure?"

"Have you ever looked at her chest?"

"Ew, yuck, a pervert."

"Hey! They aren't hard to miss..."

"Yeah, I like 'um." Yunsung blurted. The girls looked at him, covering their chests with their arms. "I didn't say I liked your guy's."

Red hand marks from Mina covered Yunsung's face, while Talim just sat there, and once in a while, she'd ask Mina to slap him for her.

"Anywho, we need to be on our guard. Keep an eye out, okay?" Talim asked. They both nodded. Now all they needed to do was find the evil guy (Not, Mina...) and bring him down!

Just then, as Talim was about to take another bite of her curry, a man jumped on the table and stole it from her! He seemed to have had a fight with his eyebrows and lost... Talim stopped staring and got out Tonfa, ready for action. No one takes her food and lives! Or stays uninjured... Which ever came first.

"Hey! That's mine!" Talim yelled. By this time, the whole restaurant was watching, betting on who they though would win. Most of the people were betting on Talim, she looked mad and determined to get her curry back, while the other guy, was incredibly sexy (Which made some fan girls swoon and bet on him) and seemed ready to kill for the curry.

"Oh yeah?" The mystery man yelled back. He then gobbled up all of Talim's curry, or whatever was left of it. Talim charged forward, The man jumped to the side and fell off the table, landing on Yunsung's lap.

"Dude, my rainbow doesn't bend that way..." Yunsung answered Maxi's look. It was a 'Hey, you're kind of cute for being the same gender and all' look. He pushed Maxi off and continued to eat his food.

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Maxi got up and made a run for it, but not before the tall girl put her hand out and brushed the top of his perfect, shiny, 20 gallons of hair-gel hair.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!" Maxi yelled. Throwing his hands up in the air once again, then banging them on the floor.

Mina laughed, in that laugh of hers... Everyone there was silent. Then a shudder went across the room in a wave thing you would see at a football game.

Maxi looked up, messy hair and tears streaming down his face. "How could you!"

"Heehee!" Mina giggled (shudders across the room). "Sorry, but you're a friend of Kilik's, right?"

"You know Kilik!" A look of hope spread across his face, forgetting about his hair for a moment, and curry, and finally remembered that his friends were missing. "Have you seen him lately?"

"Yeah, I know him. He fights in the same style I do," Mina put her hands on her hips. "But I haven't seen him since Soul Edge was destroyed . Sorry."

Maxi frowned. His hopes lost again. Talim walked up to him and kneeled on the ground so she was eye level.

"Is he missing?" Talim asked. Maxi nodded.

"Xianghua, too."

"Who's she?"

"Another friend of mine. Someone said that they saw an Asian woman go through here a couple days ago, so I though I'd start here."

"Well, if you apologize for stealing my food, we'll help you find your friends." Talim offered to Maxi.

"Yo, Talim, don't drag us in on this. Let the guy find them on his own!" Yunsung protested. Still made over Maxi's look that he gave him.

"Would you rather do this trip, or the one I had planned before?" Seung Mina asked Yunsung, yet another smirk dominating her face.

"What was the trip, anyway? You never told me..." Talim demanded, in a nice way.

"Oh, we were gonna go on a training trip. Sleep on the hard ground, fight bears, meditate under waterfalls, the list is endless!" Seung Mina exclaimed.

"... Okay man, let's go find your friends! The name's Yunsung!" He held out a hand to lift Maxi up. Maxi accepted it and shook it.

"I'm Maxi."

"Hi! I'm Talim!"

"Hello, Talim! Sorry about eating your food."

"It's okay. I forgive you!"

"And I'm Seung Mina, just call me Mina though."

"Okay."

After all the introductions had been made, a waiter man came up with the bill. "Who will be paying tonight?"

"Uh..." Mina slapped Yunsung on the back and made a choking gesture.

"I can't!" He mouthed back.

"You guys don't have any money, do you?" Maxi asked looking at each of them.

The waiter got out a bazooka and readied it. The four ran like they had never ran before, down the street and out of town. Only... Talim forgot her bag and they had to sneak back to get it.

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Whee! Chapter 3 is done! WOOT and huzzah! I've already got the ideas for the next few chapters so I'll update soon! (Maybe tomorrow or later tonight).


	4. The Road Goes Ever On and On

Disclaimer: I hate these things, but I need to make sure that you know that I don't own anything from Soul Calibur (Or Lord of the Rings). Okay, so now that that is settled, I give you...

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**Chapter Four: The Road Goes Ever On and On**

After collecting Talim's things from the Inn and escaping the town unharmed, the four set out on journey to find Kilik and Xianghua. Along the way, Maxi picked up the weapons he had dropped back in Chapter 2.

"_Alun_!" Talim screeched. The others jumped and ran for it, hiding in some bushes nearby. Talim ran down the dark path to an even darker bird which landed on her arm. "Alun, what took you so long?" Only she wasn't saying all this in words, she was squawking it. Like a bird. Like a really annoying bird outside your window that won't shut up no matter how many shoes and computers you throw at it.

Seung Mina, Maxi and Yunsung looked up from their hiding place, still shocked. Yunsung waddled off for a moment, and Maxi followed in confusion. Seung Mina being Seung Mina followed too, not wanting to be left alone with Bird Girl.

"No, go back!" Yunsung shooed them away from him.

"No, Talim's scaring us!" Mina whined. She huddled closer to the two boys who looked at her with confused looks. "What?"

"You get scared, Mina?" Yunsung asked, amazed that something spooked the girl who spooked many with her spooky laugh and terrifying smiles.

"Of course I do!" She said louder than a whisper this time. "I hate birds, they freak me out!"

"..." Was all Yunsung had to say.

"..." Was all Maxi could say also.

"Hey guys! This is Alun!" Talim squeaked, holding out her arm with the Seung Mina scaring bird on it. "Alun, these are my friends!" The bird made a squawk like sound and started to peck at Mina, who screamed and ran like a scared little school boy with his tail between his legs.

"... Ahahahahahahaha!" Maxi just had a grand ol' time laughing at Mina and Alun. He rolled over and over and over a rock which would have killed someone if they had landed on it. But Maxi is the Dandy of the East Seas, and if you are the Dandy of the East Seas, anything is possible.

"Hey, is that urine?" Talim sniffed the air. She looked at Yunsung who looked down at Maxi who was still laughing at Mina. Talim looked too, but when she looked back up at Yunsung, he was gone. "Uh... Oh my. Where'd he go?"

"He wet his pants, Talim."

Talim looked down at Maxi, who had stopped laughing for the moment. "Huh?"

"The bird scared him, I think he peed on my shoe when we were hiding in the bushes. I need some anti-bacterial spray..." Maxi looked over at Mina again to see Alun swooping in and out attacking her with pebbles and such that he found. Once, he found a dead mouse and tossed it at her. Which sent Maxi into a laugh attack for the third time since the story started.

"Well, might as well get some sleep. We're far enough from the town, so that crazy waiter won't get us," She put her pack down and got out the bird seed and opened a packet for Alun to eat whenever he got hungry. Then she took out her bedroll (Which the author forgot to mention in Chapter 1) and lay down to rest.

The road, from what she could see went on for miles and miles. It would be a long journey, but if she could defeat Soul Edge, she could do anything that she set her mind to. And with those words in her mind, she lay down her head on her pack and tried to block out Mina's screams, Maxi's laughing and Alun's screeching.

Sometime in the night, a badger and Yunsung climbed into her bedroll and fell asleep too. Yunsung had new pants on, so it was okay. But when he tried to cuddle with her, she elbowed him in the ribs and turned over onto the badger who clawed out and ripped Yunsung's new pants, which made Yunsung kick Talim, who got out Tonfa and whacked Yunsung on the head who, stupidly, bit the badger.

And you see, folks, the badger did not like that much at all and called all his animal friends in the woods to come to his aid and attack Yunsung. He ran, leaving Talim in her bedroll all aloney... on her owney... So she grabbed Maxi and used him as a pillow.

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Thanks again to all who reviewed and want me to update! I'm trying to write as many as I can, and I hope to get Chapter 5 up by tomorrow or Thursday. Then Chapter 6 will be added on Friday and 7 on Saturday if I type fast and don't get Writer's Block. I won't be updating on Sunday, because that is my mother's birthday and I must be with her that day.

The next chapter: Those Eyebrows!  See ya soon!


	5. Those Eyebrows!

Disclaimer: Dah dah daaahh! I don't own anything from Soul Calibur! Or Disney... Or Titanic, or Full Metal Alchemist... Or Harry Potter. Oh, and I'm going to update the stories with this (points down) little spacer thing I made.

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**Chapter Five: Those Eyebrows!**

Maxi had the most oddest eyebrows. They fluttered in the wind for heaven's sake! Please, wind. Stop the fluttering... I beg of you. Also, she wondered just how much hair gel he used to keep them up like that. And why he doesn't pluck of shave them. Wait, why did he grow them at all!

As Talim walked down the path with Mina, Yunsung and Maxi, she couldn't help but stare at the eyebrows. Flutter. Argh! She tripped but regained herself quickly. Maxi looked over at her, his eyebrows fluttering.

"You okay?" He asked. Flutter flutter. Argh!

"Eyebrows... I mean, YES! I'M FINE!" Talim ran up ahead from the group so she wouldn't stare at the Eyebrows (Oh, you see that? I made Eyebrows' "e" in capital letter things!). Arrrrrrrrr... Oops. She was starting to sound like Cervantes now.

Flutter. She sensed it now. Oh no. She looked around to see Maxi running up to her, Eyebrows and all. She yelped and ran. Maxi ran faster to catch her but Talim was a Wind Priestess, and so...

"CAN YOU SING WITH ALL THE VOICES OF THE MOUNTAINS? CAN YOU PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND?" Talim sang with all her heart as she ran down a hill away from Maxi, who very shocked that she just burst out into song, stopped and watched her dance in the field for a moment before running away and telling the others.

Yunsung ran over to see Talim prancing in all her prancing glory. Man, he loved her. But... She doesn't love him, but Yunsung didn't know that. So, shhhhh. Keep a secret, okay?

"Whoa... What is that kid smoking?" Mina joked, laughing her head off. Yunsung backed away from her. Maxi came back only now wanting to leave again after hearing Mina's laugh.

Maxi shook his head and started down the hill. He cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted, "Yo, Pocahontas! Hurry up your wind loving, or I'll send John Smith over!"

"Who's John Smith?" Talim stopped singing.

"Yunsung."

"..."

"Yeah, not blonde enough, huh?"

"Yeah, and John Smith was cuter."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"..."

Talim ran. And started her singing once more, but this time it was...

"CHIM CHIMINY CHIM CHIMINY CHIM CHIM CHAROO!"

"Goodness... She needs help." Maxi muttered. But before he could go after Talim again, Yunsung ran past him, over to Talim and lifted her up. She screamed but then yelled, "I'M QUEEN OF THE WORLD!"

And Yunsung yelled, "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!" and as he said this, Talim picked him up with her manly strength and kept him up for only like 2 seconds before she collapsed under his weight.

"Alright kiddies, enough Choir class, let's get going! We still have to find What's their butts and get this guy off our backs." Mina commanded.

"Hey, I'm standing right here!" Maxi snapped. But Mina ignored him and went on.

"And the sooner we find them and loose Maxi, the sooner we can go on our Training Trip... of DOOM!" Mina hollered at Yunsung and Talim, who were now acting out a scene from Harry Potter where Harry and Ron are fighting the Troll and they made Maxi the Troll and Yunsung was Ron (Mostly because of his hair.) and Talim was Harry and put glasses on and put lippy on her forehead to make a scar. Talim jumped on Maxi's shoulders and got a twig which she stuck up his nose. Yunsung threw Scarlet Thunder (He got it from Mina when she wasn't looking) and laughed when Maxi fell. Talim and Yunsung cheered and jumped around and squealed about how they defeated the Troll.

Mina just stared. At least she wasn't _that _crazy. She grabbed Scarlet Thunder, walked over to Maxi, who was lying on the ground, unconscious. She took her weapon, and poked him with the end of it. She poked him again, and again, until he woke up and yelled, "STOP POKING ME YOU CRAZY DEVIL LADY!"

Maxi was left with a large bump on his head and Mina stormed off. The two actors followed and soon enough, Maxi did too. No one talked for quiet some time before Talim finally blurted out, "Maxi, what's up with your Eyebrows?"

"Uh..." That was one awkward question. But Maxi could try and answer it. "Um, well... I'm the Dandy of the East Seas. I need Eyebrows that'll distract my opponent so I can win."

"Oh." Talim said. "Interesting." Maxi's Eyebrows fluttered again. ARRRHGH!

Everyone was silent again. Until a crackling laughter was heard all around them. Maxi, Yunsung and Talim all turned to Mina, who looked back.

"It wasn't me!" She protested.

"Then who was it?" Yunsung wondered out loud.

From the forest emerged a vampire like French man. They all gasped dramatically at the same time. Raphael Sorel!

"It is I, Raphael Sorel!" Raphael repeated what the author said. "I will now steal your souls so I can help my dear Amy! MUAWAHAHAH-- Ack!" He fell forward, blood everywhere, for some girl had just stabbed him in the back with a spork. It just happened to be the author, who looked at the spork and then looked at the main characters.

"PANSY (EVIL) FRENCHMEN MUST ALL DIE!" She screamed and ran off into the forest. The quartet stood there looking at the dead man they once knew. Talim felt sort of sad... He was her destined battle after all.

"Let's steal his stuff and sell it for big bucks in the next town!" Seung Mina ordered. The boys and Mina ran up and started to dig through his pockets and Maxi got the Rapier and took off the jewels on the handle. Talim stood there in horror at what her friends were doing.

Alun landed on Talim's shoulder. "Alun, where have you been?" She squawked.

"The author forgot me," He replied. "What are those three doing?"

"Being dirty rotten thieves and stealing a dead man's treasure." Talim sighed. "I need to try and teach them some manners."

"Good luck with that, sister," Alun began. "Oh, by the way. The author just decided that she doesn't want me in this story, but she's gonna add me again later, so I'm going back home. See ya!"

Talim kissed her bird goodbye and waved as he flew off. My, she thought, wiping a tear from her eye, I'll miss the little guy.

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This is my favorite chapter so far! I hope you all liked it, I worked hard and my arm is falling asleep. But I'm going to do **Chapter 6: That Man Cleavage! **before I go leave and go find that spork I stabbed Raphael with. Well, toodles!


	6. That Man Cleavage!

Disclaimer: Ah, I had fun writing the last chapter. Almost couldn't go on because I laughed so hard at it. I hope you all found it amusing! And I don't own Soul Calibur. This chapter also goes out to the-everglow. Thank's for loving my stories so much!

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**Chapter Six: That Man Cleavage!**

Maxi's man cleavage was unmistakable. Okay, so was Yunsung's, but hey, Maxi worked out and it was more prominent.

Talim, once again, was staring. Her parents and grandparents always told her not to stare, that it was rude. She couldn't help it! Raging hormones were taking over her simple wind-powered mind! Wait. Did this mean that she was starting to like Maxi!

No. It was just his chest that she liked. Or disliked. Or... something. She once thought she saw Seung Mina staring at his chest earlier. Oh no she didn't! No one messes with Talim's Maxi's Chest!

"Man-Cleavage..." Talim mumbled. "Who came up with that?" She looked up the road they were traveling. Behind them was the carcass of Raphael and ahead was an adventure waiting to be finished. Also, Kilik and Xianghua were up there too. At least, she hoped so. "Maxi, did you ever think that maybe your friends aren't this way and are in the other direction?"

Maxi took his time answering. "No... But, I know that they went this way. I can sense it! Almost like I can sense curry!" Maxi put on the most proud face imaginable. The rest just walked on ignoring him. They all thought that the missing couple were in the other direction.

"What we need it a good fight!" Mina changed the conversation completely. "And not end up having them killed by that crazy girl with the spork."

"Yeah, she scared me," Yunsung revealed, but what he didn't reveal was that he wet his pants again. How embarrassing is that? Wetting yourself two times in a row! "But, I knew that if we had to fight her, I'd do it. All to protect my Talim!" He floated over to Talim and wrapped his arms around her. She pinched his arm and walked on while Yunsung massaged his poor arm.

Mina was being far too quiet now. It was scary just like her laugh, which the author keeps mentioning over and over in every chapter. And she won't mention it in the next one because Seung Mina needs a break.

"Darn straight!" Mina cheered.

"Who are you talking to?" Maxi asked.

"Why, the author of course!"

"Wasn't she the one who killed that Sorel guy?"

"Yeah, so?"

"... But, uh. Never mind, I don't know what to say to that."

The sun was high in the sky now and all of them were sweating horribly. And because of the time era they're in, they had no deodorant, so they all stank. But Maxi's man cleavage was shinning brightly with the sweat and sun rays and UV rays and the lack of clouds that day. Talim started staring again.

But seriously, his man cleavage was... Man cleavagey. If it was unnatural and wrong or unbelievably hot, she couldn't decide. Talim glanced over at Yunsung's man cleavage. Hmm. Who's was hotter? She'd ask Mina later what she thought.

"My goodness!" Talim yawned. "The days just keep getting longer and longer!"

"We've only been traveling together for two days," Yunsung remarked, cracking his neck. "And yesterday was short."

"No. What I meant was: Since I started out from my homeland, the days have gotten longer," she adjusted her pack and hopped foreword some steps.

"Maybe it's an omen?" Mina pondered. "Something bad is on it's way, and we're probably gonna run into it, knowing our luck." She giggled, but only softly to avoid scared looks from her comrades.

They all laughed at this though and so Mina laughed louder with them. Then they all tried out their own evil laugh. Maxi winning every time, but never beating Seung Mina's.

Talim couldn't help but believe that it was a bad omen. The winds even seemed to carry a bad omen everywhere they went ever since she started out on this adventure. The only thought that crossed through her mind was Nightmare. Was he back?

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Sorry it's such a short chapter. But... I got tired writing it. I'm sure if I was in the funny spirit, and had my jim jams on I could write more, but, I'm about to go to a friends house, and I wanted to update for you all!

Also, I have decided that there will be 30 Chapters and I have most of them planned out already. Alun will return. And um, yeah. Hope you liked this chapter, stay tuned for the next one! (Hopefully I'll write and get it up tomorrow or in the morning on Sunday.)


	7. Let the Unluckiness Begin

Disclaimer Thingamabob: Me no owney Soul Calibur (ey)!

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**Chapter Seven: Let the Unluckiness Begin**

"So, Mina," Talim asked later that night. "If you had to pick either Maxi or Yunsung, who's man cleavage is the best?"

"What! Ahahahaha! Talim, where'd you think that up!" Mina had trouble holding back her laughter, and clutched her sides.

"It's just a question. Answer it!"

"Well, (sigh) I'd have to say... Oh look a bee!"

Mina got up from the blanket her and Talim were sharing and chased a bee around. But the bee chased back so her question went unanswered. Mina's screams as the bee stung her were laughed at by Maxi and Yunsung who had just returned with firewood.

"Aw, look! Mina's made a new friend!" Yunsung teased, tossing the wood in a pile while Maxi tried to start a campfire. Talim got up to help and made the wind slow down a bit so they could start it. After many (and I mean, _many_) tries, they were able to.

They all sat around it, telling stories about what they had done after Nightmare died and after returning to their homes. Talim helped bandage Mina's arm where the bee stung her and listened to Yunsung's story. He was so energetic about everything. And she could sense that he was saddened by Soul Edge's defeat deep down.

But, Talim thought, what if Yunsung had gotten Soul Edge? Would that truly make him happy? It wouldn't make me happy, that's for sure.

He talked about going home with Mina and getting a severe beating from Seung Han-Myeong, Mina's father. But after he heard that they helped to destroy Soul Edge, he apologized and praised them both.

Maxi had gone back to India with Kilik and Xianghua. They were going to get married in year, but they had gone missing about two months ago and he had been looking for them ever since.

Mina's was just like Yunsung's, only without the beatings. When it came to her, she wasn't prepared. She was thinking about how everyone could just go on living after all that. Acting like it never happened, and never speaking about it openly. Sophitia was still affected because her children have Soul Edge in them and---

Talim gasped and stood up. That meant that Soul Edge was still around! That the evil air she'd been sensing wasn't the after affect of Yunsung eating all those beans and that Nightmare had a chance of coming back! The others were confused and Talim knew that telling them would sadden Maxi (because the search for Kilik and Xianghua would have to wait) and make Yunsung hopeful again (Because Soul Edge would be in his grasp). She had to tell them... Or did she?

"What is it? Do you sense something?" Yunsung got out White Storm and started to get up.

"Oh! Uh no! It's nothing, I just uh... Have to go... to the loo! Yes, that's right! The little girl's room! I'll be right back!" Talim rushed off into the forest. She didn't have to go when she said that she did, but now that she was out there she might as well. Nature calls!

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A woman walked down the path, accompanied by an older man wielding a katana at his waist. They were talking about the usual things: The weather, sports, fighting, Soul Edge, all that jazz. The woman, Setsuka, and Mitsurugi had forgiven each other for all the fighting and hatred.

Setsuka looked up. A campfire was seen some ways before them, and a young boy was fighting with another boy. She pulled Mitsurugi closer so she could whisper in his ear.

"Isn't that that monkey boy from when we all battled for Soul Edge?" She asked.

"The red haired one?" Mitsurugi inquired. "Yes, I believe so. Shall we attack them for old times sake?"  
"Yes. Let's."

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Yunsung and Maxi had started fighting again and there was nothing Mina could do except watch and laugh when one was pinched or punched in the face. Sure, she could have _tried_ and stopped them, but meh, she'll leave that to Talim.

Speaking of Talim, she was just on her way back from the Girl's Room when she saw two shadows lurking nearby. One looked like a geisha (which, duh... Was Setsuka) and she couldn't tell who the other was, but they were making lots of noise to be sneaking. She ran silently down to were she thought they would hide and climbed the tree and waited.

Soon enough, the couple stopped right under the tree and devised a plan for (she had some trouble hearing them on this) "something something mean girl something down." At the mean part, she knew that they meant Mina. Ha! Good luck with that.

The other one with Setsuka was Mitsurugi and a couple minutes later the two had started down to the camp. Talim had to act fast!

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"Hey, Talim's taking a long time," Mina said out loud.

"Maybe... Argh!" Maxi pushed Yunsung into a tree. "She ate some of Yunsung's Mystery Beans?"

"She doesn't like beans..." Mina remembered. She got up stretched her limbs out.

Mitsurugi heard all of this from behind the tree. The fast twerp was still in the forest! He turned to tell Setsuka but too late. Talim had already K.O.'d her. She lay on the ground and a large rock lay next to her that wasn't there before. He looked up, and whimpered.

Talim threw the rock down at Mitsurugi yelling, "I'M SORRY!" But he side stepped it and got out his katana (Shishi-Oh).

"You wanna die that badly, eh? Well, I can help with that!" He charged, cutting the tree in the middle with one slash. He picked up Setsuka and threw her over his shoulder and jumped out of the way of the tree.

Talim ran up the tree, and before it hit the ground, jumped out of the branches. But thanks to a little something called gravity, she fell back down into the tree.

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The three looked over at the forest and got out their weapons. A tree fell and something (that looked like a flying squirrel) jumped out and fell back.

"What kind of demonic war are those animals having in there?" Yunsung asked, and he was serious this time! Animals were weird...

"WIND! GUIDE ME!" Talim's battle cry was unmistakable, and the three set out to defend her. But not before Maxi tripped over Talim's bag and the contents spilling into the fire.

"Uh oh..." he bit his lip and chased after the others.

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Mitsurugi tossed Setsuka so he could fight better and her body went flying into Mina and Yunsung, knocking them over. They pushed her over and got up. Maxi soon caught up and looked down at the woman on the floor.

"Dude... There's a dead chick right there!" Maxi started freaking out and hid behind Yunsung. Dead people were scary!

"She's not dead!" Mitsurugi yelled between Talim's attacks. "Leave her alone!" He elbowed Talim and she went flying into a tree. she jumped off it and bounced off Mitsurugi's armor and went up into the air.

What the samurai didn't see was that the short kid had grabbed a rock and chucked it down on him, knocking him out.

"I'll catch you, Talim!" Yunsung yelled, running fast enough to be there in time to catch her. He put his arms out where he thought she would land and... BINGO! He won! Talim fell right into his arms and he held her close. "Oh Talim! Are you hurt? Do need me to kiss anything?"

"Uh..." If Talim had to pick the most uncomfortable place for her, this would be it. In the arms of a Talim-Crazed boy. "No! I'm fine, could you put me down? Please?"

"Oh yeah, sure!" He placed her down gently and she looked over at Maxi and Seung Mina. Mina, who looked up from Maxi who had a stick in his hand and stood 3 feet away from Setsuka poking her with it, run up to Talim.

"Talim, you okay?" Talim nodded. Mina smiled at that and glanced back at Maxi. "Hey! Stop that! If you keep doing that, she'll wake up!"

Maxi stopped and scurried over. Should he tell them about the fire and Talim's things? No. He'd blame it on the animals or Yunsung.

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After the four had gone back to their camp, Setsuka woke up and looked around at her surroundings. A fallen tree, rocks everywhere and Mitsurugi knocked out. What in blazes happened? She shrugged and fell back asleep.

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The look on Talim's face when she saw her possessions burning up in the fiery inferno was priceless, yet, the saddest thing the world would ever see. Maxi felt horrible as Talim picked up her bag, the only thing still in it was Tonfa.

"What... How?" Talim held back a sob and stared into the fire, where a hairbrush handle was seen burning. She started crying which made Mina cry too, because Talim crying was so sad. Mina hugged Talim and told her it was going be okay over and over. Yunsung wiped away a tear and hugged her too. Talim just kept on crying.

"Hey," Yunsung was trying to make a joke as best as he could. "At least you won't have to carry around that 50 pound bag anymore!" He smiled at her, but that made Talim cry even harder. "Oops." Mina slapped him.

Maxi sighed. He had to tell the truth. He walked up to Talim and said straight out, "I did it Talim. I knocked your stuff into the fire. So, hurt me all you want!"

Talim looked, she looked at Maxi a bit before giggling at him. Then she started laughing.

"What! Hey! Aren't you mad!" Max yelled at her, he was confused, and mad that she laughed at him.

"I'm not mad at all, but Yunsung and Mina will be!" Talim chuckled. "Because my bag had all our food and money in it! Eeheeehahahaha!" She rolled over with laughter while Mina picked up Scarlet Thunder and Yunsung cracked his knuckles.

"Uh-Oh..." Maxi gulped, backing away from them.

"'Uh-Oh' is right." Yunsung growled.

"You're going down, pretty boy!" Mina snarled.

Talim just laughed.

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Yay! I'm done! I was aiming for a longer chapter and to beat Chapter 3. I believe I just did too. If not, I'll make this longer by talking about what to expect later on.

Okay, so near the end of this story (Chapter 26 to Chapter 30) will be somewhat more serious than the others. There will be humor and some romance stuff in the last one.

Oh! And I'm going to include a Bonus Chapter (Chapter 31) and it'll be a preview for my story after this one is done. It may be backwards, I don't know, so practice reading backwards just in case!


	8. BellyDancing Fool

Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Calibur! Leave me alone! I wrote this while drinking this wonderful fruit drink! It's quite tasty. I'll need to ask my sister what it's called.

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**Chapter Eight: Belly-Dancing Fool**

"Can we go to Greece?" Talim asked the next day. Last night had been quiet interesting with Mitsurugi and Setsuka's appearance. Also, with the guilt of ruining all of Talim's things, Maxi was in a bad mood all day.

"Why Greece?" Mina asked back, not looking at Talim. "Sure. I guess. If that's okay with you two?" She glanced back at the boys. Maxi looked away but nodded.

"Eh. I don't know..." Yunsung argued. "I don't really like Greece."

"You're only saying that because you're afraid of Cassandra!" Mina giggled. At Talim and Maxi's (who looked up at this) confused looks, she started to explain, "Well, Yunsung and Cassandr-----"

"Shut up!" Yunsung tackled her and covered her mouth. But since it was Seung Mina, she licked his hand and jumped out of his reach.

"They went out!" She squealed, bouncing out of Yunsung's arms as he attacked her. "Whee! Let's fight!" She took Scarlet Thunder and hit Yunsung with it.

Talim and Maxi watched from the side lines. Talim turned to Maxi. He turned to her. And then they started a staring contest. They where on a roll until Mina and Yunsung ran into them and made them both blink.

"Darn you both! Couldn't you see Talim and I were in an intense battle of eyes and eyelids!" Maxi roared. Temper, temper...

"It was just a staring contest, it's fine, we can start one again!" Talim tried to stop the furious Maxi from pouncing on the others. She wasn't that successful, Yunsung and Mina ended up with a few bite marks here and there, but other than that, they were fine.

"Goodness, Maxi, you bite like a girl," Mina looked at her arm were Maxi bit her.

"_You're_ a girl..." Maxi growled.

"But she bites like a bear," Yunsung exaggerated.

"Quiet you," Seung Mina hit him again, which sent them into another battle. Maxi ran after them, leaving Talim behind them.

She sighed. They were so childish sometimes. Mostly Mina, but she was setting a bad example for the boys.

"Errah!" She blurted. She didn't know why, she just thought that that was the right thing to say at a moment like this. She heard a rustle in the brush nearby. It didn't sound like a small animal, more like a human man. Her eyes darted to the place she heard it, it stopped. Was she hearing things now? No. There it was again. She looked up at her friends. They were a long ways ahead. The rustling grew louder and louder until...

"HHHIIIIIISSSSSSSS!" A man in straps and a thong jumped out from the trees and such and in front of Talim. She gasped. He hissed and started, she thought, dancing.

"..." Talim stared in horror at what her innocent and pure eyes were seeing. "AAAARHG! IT BURNS!" She screamed and pushed pass Voldo (You must have already known this, so... yeah!) and ran up to her friends. "Help me, you guys!" She ran and hid behind the closet person who happened to be Yunsung. This must be his lucky week!

Back down the path, Voldo followed Talim's screams and ran after her, still performing his hideous dance. When her reached the four, and they all had their weapons out, he decided that a new dance would be nice. So he started belly dancing. Yunsung, Maxi and Mina all stared in horror (Talim was still hiding behind Yunsung). Then they all ran away screaming and yelling about how their eyes burned.

Voldo chased after them, and this went on for many a day until a very brave cat jumped out of a tree, sliced Voldo in pieces, and saved our heroes. They adopted him and named him God Jr. But God Jr. didn't want to be owned so he scratched all of them and walked away.

Their wounds were tended to by Talim, who has to take care of all wounds, and then they set off again in search for Kilik, Xianghua, Greece, that cat so they could get revenge and some food and a place to stay for Maxi had destroyed all of their food and money.

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Somewhere in the distance, a young man watched as our heroes made their way across the forest path. He sighed and looked off, thinking about food as well. For he didn't have any money and no one liked him, so he couldn't go buy food, even if he had the money to do so.

"Shut up tummy..." He sobbed. His stomach kept rumbling as he thought about all the different foods he could eat. Poor guy.

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Oh my! Who is this new character? I know, but do you? Will they ever catch God Jr.? Will the heroes ever find food? Will the other guy ever find food? Stay tuned for another (longer) episode of:

_Talim's Adventure of DOOM and Unluckiness!_

**Chapter Nine: Whee! We're gonna die!**

See ya then! Kristen


	9. Whee! We're Gonna Die!

Disclaimer: The fruit drink's name is Citrina. My sister picked up the cap of the drink and told me. I feel like an idiot. Sorta... I don't own Soul Calibur!

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**Chapter Nine: Whee! We're gonna die!**

Everyone had a smile on their face that day. Why? Because a town was in sight! Food was close and so was a nice warm bed! They only thing was that they had no money. They were sure, though, that a family would let them work for the food and board.

"Oh, I can't wait any longer!" Mina yelled to the world. She started running down the path, only to be stopped by a robed man in the middle of the road. "Move it mister, I'm in a hurry!" Mina tried to push past him, but he held her back.

"Hey, what's your problem, dude?" Yunsung snapped, walking up. "The lady said 'move', and last time I checked, it was good manners to move over for a lady."

"Since when have you moved for me, Yunsung?" Mina raised an eyebrow at him.

"Just back off, Mina, and let me get him out of the way!" Yunsung barked. "Yo buddy, you're goin' down!" White Storm slashed through the air. The robed man took out a scythe and slashed back, knocking Yunsung back.

"Yunsung!" Talim cried, and looked back up at the man. "Zasalamel!" She took out Tonfa and ran foreword, when he slashed out at her, she ran in between his legs and attacked his back.

While Zasalamel looked back at his attacker, Maxi pulled out Soryuju, straightened his jacket and leaped into the battle with Mina at his side. In no time, though, Maxi and Talim were out and it was all up to Seung Mina now. The others where in bad shape, she had to get rid of Zasalamel now, or at least get him to disappear.

Maxi's left arm was broken, and his hair was a mess, Talim's head hit a rock and was now bleeding horribly, and Yunsung was twisted around, an arm under him, a leg bending the wrong way, and his head leaning back. It broke Mina's heart just to see her friends in pain, but she was loosing this battle.

_Maybe he'll spare us if... _Mina threw Scarlet Thunder up in the air. Zasalamel looked up at it. _Attack me, dangit! _He looked back down and slashed at Mina. _It was stupid, yes. But, who knows? He might have a heart somewhere in there._

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Zasalamel looked down at the girl who had thrown her own weapon to distract him and never attacked. Why did she do that? He bent down and touched her face. She looked up at him.

"Kill me, but n-not... my friends..." She begged. So that's why.

"Miiina," Talim sobbed from nearby. "No..." This can't be the end. It can't be. Talim looked around at her wounded friends. She couldn't get up to help them, to bandage them. Yunsung looked even more red haired now. Wait, she put her hand to her head, it just blood.

"I won't kill you just yet," Zasalamel promised, walking over to Talim. "The only way to live is to give me all of your food and money."

"But we don't..." Talim started.

"H-here..." Yunsung's trembling hand was raised in the air, inside of it was a candy bar. "Take t-t-this... It's all I have." Zasalamel smiled and took the candy bar without a 'Thanks' and skipped down the path to the town.

"Yunsung! If we live through this..." Maxi growled.

"I know, I know... Thank me, right?" He tried to laugh but it came out as a cough.

"No, I'm gonna kill you."

"Wha? W-why?"

"You hid food from us!"

"But it saved us..."

"Good point. Never mind then."

They all lay there thinking that they were going to die. Talim tried to get to her feet to help the others, but fell back down and hurt herself even more. Nonetheless, she tried again and again. She had to help everyone!

"Forget it, Tal... We're all gonna die, so there's no need to hurt yourself over us." Mina sighed.

"Don't say that! Things are gonna get better, just you wait!" And at that, it suddenly started to rain. "Well, heh. At least we won't be all bloody!" Talim crawled over to Mina.

"No, don't help me, go help Yunsung, you guys are younger... You'll... you'll be able to heal faster." Mina shooed Talim away. She obeyed and crawled over to Yunsung, slicing her knee on White Storm on the way. She gasped and stopped to look at her knee. "Ow... Eh." She continued over to the young man.

"Hey..." He whispered. "You know, Talim. I've always wondered were my mother was... and maybe, she's already dead, and I'll finally get to see her again." He laughed but clutched his side.

"Don't give up, Yunsung!" Talim sobbed. Maybe some encouragement would help him. "Why, if you died, someone else might get Soul Edge!"

"What?" Yunsung asked.

"It's still around, so you can't die just yet!" Talim gazed back at Maxi and Mina. They were also listening. "Yeah... Sophitia and her children have Soul Edge in them, so it still has a chance of coming back. Nightmare too..." She looked down at her lap. Maybe she should have told them earlier...

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The man who had been briefly mentioned last chapter walked through the rain and mud. He was tired, hungry, and badly needed a hot bath with extra bubbles and a loofah with that wonderful Shampoo that smells like Strawberries. Just thinking about all that made him miss his rubber ducky, Mr. Rubber Ducky. He had floated downstream when he had taken a bath a month ago.

"I miss you, ducky..."The man cried. He kept on going though, and soon enough he saw a wagon pulled by two sad little horses. "Hey! Wait up! I need a ride!"

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Will our heroes die? Will we ever find out who this man is? Will the wagon stop to give the man a ride? Will the man ever find his rubber ducky! Find out next time! The mystery man is revealed! WOOT!


	10. Hitchhiking is Stupid

Disclaimer: Sorry about the wait and all for Chap. 9 and 10, I couldn't log on and then my Compy's internet didn't work so I was stuck offline writing these and making CDs. I don't own Soul Calibur! (Which my mom finally played and I beat her...)

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**Chapter Ten: Hitchhiking is Stupid.**

Siegfried looked out of the back of the wagon. The crazy guy had asked him to check and make sure no one was following them. Siegfried asked why would anyone follow them, but the man just mumbled something and shouted at the horses to move faster.

"Nothing," Siegfried reported, he sat back down in the hay that was scattered everywhere in the wagon. There was, like, twenty leaks in the top of it and no matter where he sat, he got wet. "How much longer till we reach a town?" He looked over at the crazy guy.

"If the horses keep moving at this pace, we'll get there in a day or so. Get out and help them, boy!" The man snapped. Siegfried obeyed and walked along side with the poor animals having to walk and pull a heavy wagon in this weather.

Up ahead there was what looked lights of a town, but they were very faint. A scream pierced the air, spooking the horses and making the crazy man curse at them. Siegfried stopped them from running and jogged down the path to find the person who screamed.

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Maxi gasped for breath, his arm was burning badly, and it being broken didn't help at all. Talim ran over as fast as she could, tripping over the smallest of things and finally falling on Maxi. She quickly apologized and tore off her last pant leg (She had used the other on Yunsung). Hopping over and breaking off a tree branch, she was able to make a splint type thing and keep Maxi's arm in place.

"Heh... Thanks," Maxi grunted, moving his good arm over to pat Talim on the arm. "You're a real trooper."

Talim smiled. She could do so much more though. If she didn't have so much trouble holding herself up, she could have pulled them all out of the rain, built a fire, and try to go and find help. But she was scared. She didn't want to leave and come back to find someone dead. Her smile faded, and she once again put all her soul into getting back up. Seung Mina still needed help.

"Zippidy do dah... Zippity day..." Mina was hallucinating!

"Mina!" Talim bend down, she shook Mina and shouted at her to stop being crazy. "Eeee! Oh no! What do I do!"

"Talim," Maxi lifted himself to a sitting position. "You go and find help, I'll keep an eye these two."

"But..." Talim didn't want to go, but it was the right thing to do. "Okay... But, just make sure Yunsung doesn't fall asleep, just to make sure he doesn't---"

"I know. Go, the town's no that far away," Maxi got up and stumbled over to sit between Mina and Yunsung.

Not looking back, Talim made her way to the road. Grabbing what looked like Scarlet Thunder (But was really Kali Yuga, which Maxi has been carrying around) and using it as a walking stick, she started to walk.

"TALIM!" Maxi's voice yelled. "THAT'S THE WRONG WAY!"

Oh, heh heh. All that blood loss must have really taken it's toll on her.

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Siegfried almost killed some little girl who was standing in the middle of the road. She had a weapon that looked familiar, but he knew that it wasn't hers.

"Ack!" Talim held onto her walking stick, and then realized it wasn't Scarlet Thunder. "AAAH!" She dropped it and then looked up at the man who had come out of no where. "Oh!" He was handsome, very handsome...

"Are you alright?" Siegfried asked, he looked her up and down, noticing her ripped and stained pants and the blood dripping from her forehead. "You look horrible! Here, take this." He put his cloak around her and turned around. "My ride's almost here, I'll give you a lift to town."

"You'd really do that!" Talim questioned. The man laughed. He had a beautiful laugh...

"Yes, my name's Siegfried Schtauffen, and you are?" He held out a hand.

"Talim," She took his hand and shook it. "Oh, and could my friends get a ride too? They're hurt much more than I am, and one of them is going crazy."

"Uh... Suuurrre." Siegfried was uneasy about that. _Not another crazy person. _He bent down and picked up Kali Yuga. "I've seen this somewhere before, who's is it?"

"His name's Kilik, he's a friend of one of my friends." Talim took her trusty walking stick from him and started walking back to her friends. "Could you get your ride to pull down here?" She called back.

"I'll try," Siegfried stood in the middle of the road and waited until the wagon appeared and explained everything to the man. After much cursing and slapping fights, Siegfried was able to get the man to pick up Talim and her friends.

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"He's very nice, and he says he can give us a lift to town!" Talim informed the others. "And I'm sure they'll be a doctor or someone who can help you guys!"

"And you, too..." Yunsung murmured. He had been trying to sleep, but every time he closed his eyes Maxi would kick him.

"Da da daaaaaaaaa!" Mina sang.

"What kind of bird call was that?" The three sane ones looked up to see Siegfried walking down with the wagon that would take them to safety.

"Heh, that's Mina, she's the one going crazy," Talim laughed.

"Yoooooooodeeeeeeellleeeedaaaaaaa!" Mina screeched.

"My God, shut that woman up!" The wagon driver yelled. "She'll spook my horses!"

Talim glanced at the man. Was he? No... Couldn't be.

Siegfried walked past her carrying a wriggling Mina, "Ahahahaha! That tickles, mister!" He placed her in the back of the wagon, and went back to get Yunsung.

"I can get there myself!" Yunsung protested, pushing him away.

"Not with that leg, you can't," Maxi argued, standing up and leaning on Talim for support.

"Listen to your friend, and let me help you!" He picked Yunsung up carefully and brought him over to the wagon. Maxi and Talim followed.

When the wagon was finally back on it's way to town, Talim realized she had forgotten her manners. She climbed through everyone to the sit next to the driver. "Um..."

"What is it, girl?" He grumbled, spitting on the ground in that way men do. "Out with it, I haven't got all day!"

"Oh, well, I wanted to thank you for helping us! Thank you so much, we'd probably be dead if it wasn't for you. Thank you again!" She climbed back and sat between Yunsung and Siegfried. Yunsung's head flopped on her shoulder and she heard his snoring almost instantly.

The old man smiled, no one had ever said that to him. He turned his head to look at the group he had collected. The pretty boy with black hair was trying to stop the crazy girl from jumping out the back, the red monkey boy was sleeping on the polite girl's arm and the German was laughing at the crazy girl's escape plan.

"'m name's Yoshimitsu..." He said. "I remember most of ye."

They all looked up. Talim had thought it was him, and she was right. Yoshimitsu breathed deep, the storm was letting up and the town was only about an hour or so away.

_It's a shame I'll be selling ya'll to the slave company... _Yoshimitsu chuckled to himself.

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Oh noes! Our heroes were saved and they met the mystery man, Siegfried, but what will they do when they find out they're going to be sold as slaves!


	11. All MatrixLike

Disclaimer: I finally got my Compy to work! Yay! Soul Calibur is not mine! It's Namco owned. I wish I owned it though. I'd be rich... And the Matrix isn't mine either.

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**Chapter Eleven: All Matrix-Like**

"Sorry, but I can't let you through!" The guard yelled for the twentieth time, who just happened to be Rock in a nice suit, tie and all.

"But these youngsters need help!" Yoshimitsu bellowed, gesturing to the quintet (5) in the wagon.

"Sorry, but I can't. No one is allowed to enter without permission first."

"How do we get permission then?"

"By going inside, of course."

"... I'm going to stab thou's spleen out with thy flag..."

"What---- Argrugglespletch!" Rock fell to the ground, dead as a... rock.

Now, some of you may be saying, "Oh my God! The author is horrible! Rock has a kid to take care of!" But ha! Bangoo is now in his manly years, so he's old enough to take care of himself. So ha! Kiss my bottom you lovely readers of mine!

The 5 were silent. They all kind of liked Rock, even if he didn't let them in the town when they asked. A single tear slid down each of their faces, but Yoshimitsu having to real eyes didn't.

"Onward, then!" He opened the gates to town and got back in the wagon. "Yip yip!"

"You know," Yunsung said as they went down the cobbled paths. "This place looks all strangely familiar."

"It kinda does... Hey! Is this Candy Land!" Siegfried squealed like a girl. The men looked at him like he was crazy.

"Are you gay or something?" Yunsung inquired. "If so, you'd be perfect for Maxi, why, when we met, he sat on my lap and gave me 'the look'."

"Ew, Maxi! That's just wrong! And no, I'm not. I just like candy and pretty smelling things," Siegfried looked out the back to catch a glimpse of Seung Mina running off down the street in the opposite direction. "Ah! Crazy girl, get back here!" He jumped out too. "You guys wait here, I'll catch her!"

"I'm coming too!" Maxi jumped out chasing after Mina and Siegfried.

"Ah... Oh, I hope they get her before she does something stupid..." Talim sighed, leaning back.

"Like what?" Yunsung asked.

"I don't know. Strip in front of the whole town and do the Macarena."

"That'd be interesting... Considering Mina's an old hag and she'd have old saggy boobs."

"Ahahahaha!" Yoshimitsu laughed. "That's a good one, boy. I like ye, you're funny."

"Thanks," he replied.

Talim giggled too, but she still thought that Mina was crazy enough to do it. She climbed into the passenger's seat again and looked around at the town. The shop signs where in some weird language that she couldn't read, and everywhere she looked she saw people in togas and carrying shields and cute little sandals like the ones she wore.

"Are we in Greece?" Talim questioned.

"_Are we in Greece?_" Yoshimitsu mimicked. "Of course we are!"

"Ah! No! Not Greece! Anywhere but here!" Yunsung sobbed hiding under some hey. "Oh, please God, let me live if I run into Cassandra!"

"NO!" A booming voice yelled. Everyone in the town stopped and looked up to the sky.

"W-what?" Yunsung looked up too.

"I SAID NO! YOU NEED TO START BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS YOUNG MAN! NOW, BE A GOOD LITTLE BOY AND GO ALONG AND PLAY."

"But I thought you said I was a young man, why are you calling me a little boy?"

"DON'T QUESTION ME! I AM GOD!" Lightning bolts shot down near the wagon.

"Okay okay! I'm sorry!" Yunsung cried. The voice stopped and everyone went on with their lives.

Maxi ran back up to the wagon, panting from his journey with a broken arm. "You guys need to hurry back here! Mina's being... well, Mina, and she's fighting some guards! Hurry!" He ran off.

"Argh! Why don't you just put a leash on that girl!" Yoshimitsu steered the horses around and they trotted off down to where Mina was hitting one of the Greek guards with Scarlet Thunder and saying rude things like "butt-head" and "poo poo face" to them.

"Told you so..." Talim muttered.

"Yeah, shut up..."

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No one knew how she did it. Not even she knew, and even if she did, she was far too crazy to tell them. It was a stunt that left everyone's mouths open and then a loud applause and cheering heard for miles around. What happened, you ask? Well, Seung Mina did the coolest thing ever! If you've seen The Matrix or Shrek, you should know what I'm talking about.

Mina did that thing were the Princess (In Shrek, mind you. I don't think there were princesses in The Matrix) jumps up in the air, fixes her hair and then kicks the men in tights in the face. Then, she did the dodge the bullets move, only she wasn't dodging bullets (it was spears) and she didn't get stabbed in the leg by one. That would be horrible. And gruesome and the author would have to change the rating. Also, the characters already went through a almost death experience and don't need anymore trauma.

The others stared in wonder. Yunsung's mouth was wide open, Siegfried had wet his pants and Maxi had got hit in the head with one of the spears. Yoshimitsu and Talim were just climbing out of the wagon when Mina had finished with her Matrix-like moves.

"So," Mina said. "Who's next?" She flexed her muscles.

"Aren't you still crazy, Mina?" Talim asked.

"Crazy? What are you talking about?" The townspeople started to make a run for it, no one wanting to fight her. "I'm as sane as sane can be!" Mina laughed.

"Er, well... It's just... You, er, went crazy and..." Talim looked for the right words.

"Well, I'm not crazy and never was. Maybe your minds were playing tricks on you," Mina patted Talim on the head and walked over to join the others and poke Maxi with a stick.

"Yunsung!" Talim cried.

"What!"

"You're standing all by yourself!"

"Wha? Oh... drat."

Yunsung fell over and hurt his lag even more.

Yoshimitsu sighed and went back to the wagon. He came back and took the flag he carried on his back and hit Mina on the head with it.

"Sorry about this, kids," He hit them all and tied them up tossing them back in the wagon. "Time to get you all off my back."

The wagon started back on it's way up the street to the other side of town were they bought and sold people as slaves. He was going to make a killing off the crazy girl, the little one and the German. He was sure of it. As for the others, well, he wouldn't make a sent what with them being crippled at the moment. He'd have to kill them.

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Whee! My compy's been stupid again so I haven't been able to get on to post anything. Or work on anything. Anywho... See ya soon!


	12. Cassandra Roasting On A Open Fire

Disclaimer: Sorry about all the wait for each chapter. School and all... Anywho, I'll try to get in as many chapters as I can this week (Which will only be 2 at the most). I don't own Soul Calibur, and I'm getting sick of saying that.

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**Chapter Twelve: Cassandra Roasting on an Open Fire...**

The thieves cove in Greece was well, a thieves cove. It had the usual crowd of no good stinking people looking for something to steal and either keep it or sell it for big bucks somewhere. _Well, _Yoshimitsu thought. _They're not getting my loot that's for sure!_ He kept moving along the place until he reached a large platform at the back were many people had already gathered. Cervantes was standing on the platform waiting for the last of the thieves to assemble.

"Since when is he a thief?" Some guy asked Yoshimitsu. He shrugged.

"Since last week, you dum dums! He was appointed master!" A girl scolded. "He had a huge ceremony and everything, don't you remember?"

The two shook their heads.

"I've been out stealing stuff." The guy replied.

"And I've been kidnapping these kids so I can sell them," Yoshimitsu also replied.

"Oh." The girl said and looked back up at stage.

Cervantes cleared his throat and began.

"Comrades, er... I mean: ARR! What be ye problem? Don't be looking at me that ways you yeller bellied... MONKEYS!" Everyone looked away and he went on. "As ye all knows by now, I'm the new master of this here Thieves Cove, blah blah blah. You all are here either to sell, trade, or steal, am I correct?" People cheered, wooted and a drunk threw a chair at the guy who stood next to Yoshimitsu. "Very well then! Let the----" He checked a piece of pink strawberry scented paper. "-- Slave Tradin' begin!"

There were many other people who had slaves to sell, all of them selling high. _If those weaklings could sell for that much then just imagine how much I'll get for these---- Hey!_

"What?" Yoshimitsu gasped and looked back at his wagon. The kids were gone and their ropes that had held them were cut! "Gosh darn it!" He looked around to see the twerps running off lead by a familiar Greek girl. He got out his flag and sword and chased after them.

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"Keep up! This is good exercise!" Cassandra yelled back to her old friends and ex-boyfriend who, she made a mental note, must be beaten within an inch of his life. "Also! I'll be able to say what my weight is instead of just saying, 'I lost weight recently!'"

Yunsung groaned. Why oh why did Cassandra have to come to their rescue? "OW! Watch where you're going!"

"Sorry!" Siegfried laughed. "But I love running! It makes me feel free!" Yunsung was being carried by Siegfried because of his leg being all messed up at the moment.

They kept on running until a group of bandit men stopped them. Yoshimitsu chuckled behind them and they all turned to glare at him.

"Let us pass!" Seung Mina demanded.

"Shut up you crazy lady, I don't like crazy people and---" Yoshimitsu was cut off by Siegfried's laughter. "You too! I never trusted Germans."

At this moment, I would like to apologize to any German people who are reading this. I don't hate Germany or anything like that, I'm half German myself. So, don't kill me and let me continue with the story.

"But we need to... Um... Oh, you know!" Talim searched for the right words.

"Go peepee!" Maxi shouted suddenly. He really had to go...

"Shut yer traps," Yoshimitsu yelled. "Get them!" A whole army of men came running towards them. Screaming and yelling and waving swords and daggers and throwing bombs everywhere.

"Run for it! I'll hold them off!" Cassandra ran into battle only to be captured and tossed in a box. The others decided now was a good time to leave and snuck out the back door.

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"So you mean to tell me that Cassandra is in the Thieves Cove?" Sophitia asked later that day when the heroes arrived at her house. "What is she doing there? She's so silly sometimes."

Maxi walked out of the bathroom with a satisfied smile on his face. _Relieved at last_, he thought.

"I wanted to talk to you, Sophitia," Talim announced. "It's very important, regarding Soul Edge." At the name, everyone shivered in fear. It was like Mina laughing, only she was scarred too.

"I know... I've been thinking about it too," She sat down and sighed. "As long as we live, Soul Edge will too. I've been planning on leaving and getting my children and myself purified somewhere."

"Then we must act fast!" Mina said cheerfully. "The more time we waste, the more time Soul Edge and Nightmare have to be reborn! Let's get moving!"

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"Ah! Somebody help me!" Cassandra cried as she was roasted over a fire on a spit. Rotating and becoming an odd brown color. A man pinched her thigh.

"Still tough, boss!" He shouted to Yoshimitsu.

"Eep! Don't eat me!" She yelled at him. Who would ever think they were cannibals?

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They were all ready to leave, but one problem still hung to them like a fly to flypaper...

"Poor flies!" Talim said.

Yes, I know...

Anywho, the problem was: Where were they going to go? They brainstormed for some time and after much bruises on their brains had appeared they came up with an answer.

"Ostrheinsburg!" Siegfried suggested. "It's sorta like my old home. Nightmare stayed there, but it should be okay for now."

"But I want to be PURIFIED not MADE MORE EVIL!" Sophitia screeched. The screeching bit reminded the author that Alun needed to be added again, and so he will appear in the next chapter.

"Good, because I miss him," Talim remarked. " So let's go!"

The group then made their way through the town, snatching Yoshimitsu's wagon along the way, and rode off to Germany.

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Sorry it took so long! Writer's Block. (sigh) And also, I will be giving the characters new costumes soon! I don't know when, but soon! There will be two chapters given to the new clothes, and I'll include links to the pictures which I'll post on my deviantART page. Or... Here, for people who want it now:

(The http thing) krizzygirl206 (dot) deviantart (dot) com

I'll post them as the following:

Talim - Talim's a pretty princess!

Yunsung - Yunsung all surfer like again...

Seung Mina - What happened to Mina? (The ? won't show up on the title though)

Maxi - No more Man-Cleavage!

Siegfried - German CoCo Puffs

Kilik - Street Punk

Xianghua - Too Cute Pigtails

They'll appear when ever (And probably not in that order) and I'll post when I have one up in the disclaimer of the next chapter I write. Also, you can just go check and see for yourself.


	13. Tira Chopping Off Your Nose

Disclaimer: Okay, so I've started a new story if you didn't know already. Empire Noodles is it's name-o. It's up now, only sometimes it doesn't work for me. The only thing it will affect is how long this story is. I'll only have 30 chapters instead of 31. So, on with the show! I don't own Soul Calibur! Or Georgia Nicolson's song!

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**Chapter Thirteen: Tira Chopping Off Your Nose**

As our heroes made their way across the land mass called Europe, many a interesting conversations arose. Such as one between Maxi and a rock he found laying on the side of the road. It was a small rock with a lot to say to the man.

"You're always walking on me and throwing me and skipping me in the water and what do I do for you? I build strong walls to protect you, houses to shelter you and if it wasn't for me: You wouldn't have anything to walk on! And another thing--- AHHH!" Maxi threw the rock into a river and picked up another rock.

"So, I told her that he said that he loved her and she was all like, 'NO way!' and so I was like, 'Yah way!' and then--- Hey, you're not Betty..." Maxi threw that one into the river too and picked up yet another rock.

"Yo, buddy. You best put me down before someone gets hurt. And by someone I mean you!" Maxi threw it in the river as well.

"Rocks are weird..." Maxi sighed, looking for a twig or something else to talk to.

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Talim had run off to frolic in the fields and sing, "The Hills Are Alive, With the Sound of Pants" and dance with the little animals. So that was that.

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Siegfried and Sophitia's children had run off to pick flowers and make cute little flower crowns for everyone. Talim soon joined them in the search for flowers.

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Yunsung was growling at Siegfried being all happy with Talim. He considered himself too manly (Not to mention crippled) to frolic. Although... Mina had said that his leg was healing... Maybe he should try to get up--- Nope! Still hurts. _Darn, I'm stuck in the wagon._

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Mina was walking in front of the wagon leading the horses, who were very glad to be out of the ownership of Yoshimitsu. She was practicing her speech for when she would meet Nightmare, if he came back. It would go a little something like this:

"So, Nightmare... We meet again." She would smirk an evil smirk here. "Once again I'll whoop your sorry little butt all the way to... Well, somewhere far away. You wanna give up? Okay then... Don't say I didn't warn you!" And she would strike a determined pose and start fighting.

The horses raised their horse eyebrows at her and neighed something.

"Don't you horses talk about my butt!" Mina snapped at them. Her eye twitched and she went back to practicing her speech.

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Sophitia was the one stuck driving the wagon. She was the oldest, so they made her driver. She sighed and looked off into the distance. I wonder... Hmm. Did I turn off the coffee pot? She thought about everything she did before she left and realized that she didn't!

"Everyone!" She shouted to the group and stopping the horses. "I forgot to turn off the coffee pot! So we'll have to turn around!"

The group was silent. Then they started screaming, running around and Maxi started foaming at the mouth. When you forget to turn off a coffee pot, everyone is affected by it.

So they gathered up whatever there was to gather up (i.e. flowers to make flower crowns) and started back down the path to Greece. They sort of ran... And Talim started her Pocahontas singing again and jumping into the wind whenever possible.

But then one of her elbow blades was torn out of her hands by the wind and hit Yunsung in the face. Which made him cry. Which made the children laugh because a man was crying. Which made Sophitia angry that her children were laughing at Yunsung. Which made Mina mad that Sophitia was mad at her kids for laughing at Yunsung because Yunsung always cries because he's a baby. Which made Maxi scratch his armpit. Which made the horses laugh. Which made Talim run off into the forest to search for an acorn and why she wanted an acorn, the world may never know. And Siegfried was still picking flowers along the road ignoring the others.

The short and short of it is: Talim was attacked while in the forest which made Yunsung act like a hero and stop crying and run out into the forest to save Talim. His leg seemed to heal as he ran to save his beloved, and he felt new energy fill him and he ran faster and faster until--- BOOM! He fell on a bomb that killed everyone and the world exploded.

Okay fine...

Until he tripped on a squirrel. You happy now? Grood. So, where was I? Oh yeah, running. So he got up and picked up the squirrel which he set on his shoulder. Then Yunsung and Mr. Nutters ran off to save Talim from whatever mess she got herself into.

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Talim screamed again. Why? Because a dead man was standing in front of her, that's why! She was sure he was dead. She had seen him murdered and watched as her friends steal his money and jewels.

"But... How?" She asked. The Frenchman smiled.

"I'm a vampire thingy now. I can't die unless you stab me through the heart and the author only stabbed me in the back, so I'm still alive," Raphael's wit out matched Talim's... wot.

"So... All I have to do is stab you in the heart?" Talim inquired, looking at his chest and then at one of Tonfa.

"Exactly!" Raphael laughed. "But if you try to I'll suck your blood and you'll become a vampire too! MUAWHAHAHAHA!"

Talim huddled in fear. Where were her friends?

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Mr. Nutters needed to take a pit stop and after that, they continued on their way!

Yunsung burst through the trees to see Talim cowering in fear from the thought so dead Raphael. "No noes!" He screamed like a girl. "What shall I do!" He stood there, thinking about this next move. "I've got it!" He took out White Storm and SLASH DASH and FINE CHOPPED! Raphael was dead. Or... Not. Because Yunsung missed his heart, so he came back to life and chased after the three (Remember, Mr. Nutters!).

They ran and ran, only to find out that they were going in circles! They decided a new route was best, and with Mr. Nutters leading the way, they escaped the clutches of the French vampire for now.

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"Don't you two EVER go off like that again, you hear me?" Siegfried had his hands on his hips and reminded Talim of her mother. She shuddered in fear. "Well?"

"Yes mother... I MEAN! Yes SIEGFRIED!" Talim ran off to ride in the wagon. Siegfried turned to Yunsung and Mr. Nutters.

"Here you are Mr. Nutters!" He handed over a small flower crown to him. "As for you, Yunsung..." He put his face about an inch from Yunsung's. "Since your leg is working just fine now... You can help pick flowers!" And he pranced off to make more crowns.

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The trip back to Greece was uneventful, unless you count Mina falling over while standing still uneventful, then there was nothing. Sophitia turned off the coffee pot and they started back on their journey up Europe. Mr. Nutters had left at the place where they had found him and everyone was very sad to see him go.

The flower crowns where completed and every one (Not Yunsung) wore them with glee and happiness. Yunsung ate his and then barfed it back up, making the children cry. They had worked so hard on them.

Sophitia gave Yunsung the "mother look" that all mothers have. Even though she wasn't his mother, it scared him half to death and he quickly ran off to find more flowers to replace the ones he just ate. The children cheered and ran after him to show him how to make the flower crowns.

"Aw..." Talim smiled at Yunsung as he tried (and failed) to make a flower crown. He looked up at her and smiled too.

"Hey, Tal! Get over here, I need help making one! These kids are confusing me!" He yelled. Talim sighed and ran over to help.

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Tira watched the group from a distance. They were disgusting. Frolicking around with so much joy, it made her sick just looking at them. She gagged a bit, but regained herself quickly.

"Scout ahead for any signs of that bird the Wind Girl had," Tira whispered to her ravens. "And if you find it, kill it and bring it's body to me in one piece, you got that?" The ravens nodded in understandment and flew off into the afternoon sky. The bird was somewhere out there right now, and it could alert the girl of Tira.

She ran her finger along the dull inner side of her ring blade, and smirked as she listened to her pets screeching and squawking. They must have found it.

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Alun dived into the trees and swooped back out avoiding the crazed ravens chasing him. He recognized them as Tira's birds and had to tell Talim right away!

He was on his way to meet up with her again when these guys started attacking him and chasing him farther and farther away from his destination. Alun called out to Talim and waited for a response. It came and soon saw Talim and the monkey boy racing through the forest to where he was circling around trying to get the ravens off his back.

The boy took out his sword and slashed out at some of the ravens as he jumped into the area. Killing about 3, while Talim only knocked out 5 or so. He landed on Talim's shoulder and squawked into her ear, "About time! I was wondering if you even remembered me!"

"How could I forget! You're my best friend, Alun!" Talim squawked back, hitting another 2 birds. "Theses look familiar..."

"They're Tira's. _Run!_" Alun took flight as Tira burst through the trees at the two heroes, cutting everything in her path.

"You horrible people! How could you hurt such lovely birds?" Tira cried, rushing towards them. "Now I'll have to kill you and then go for that woman's children! Teehee!"

"Sophitia!" Yunsung and Talim said at the same time and bounced out of the way of Tira. They had to get back and warn the others.

"ALUN! Go tell Sophitia to run and get out of here! GO!" Talim screamed up at her bird who fought off yet another raven. He flew off and she heard his squawks. _Wait... They can't understand Alun! _"Ahhh! I need to warn them myself, Yunsung!" Talim started running off leaving Yunsung with the green haired freak. "Hold her off while I warn the others!" And she was gone.

"What! Hey! No fair! Get back here and---" Yunsung was interrupted by Tira as she came in for another slash.

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Sophitia already knew what was out there before Alun and Talim showed up. She sensed the evil aura of Tira everywhere and the children were crying now, Mina trying to calm them down.

Maxi and Siegfried stood ready to fight. Mina had tried to stop Maxi because of his arm, but he refused. Tira worked with Astaroth, and any friend of that monster was a enemy of Maxi's.

"And if that freak shows up, I'll kill him..." He stood glaring at the trees.

"Listen, though, Yunsung's holding Tira off, so you need to get out of here while you can!" Talim pleaded. "I don't know how much longer he can do this by himself. Please!"

"My children must stay safe, so..." Sophitia took out her sword and shield. "I will protect them with my life for as long as I can. That is," she turned to the others. "As long as one of you will cover me in case I fail."

"I'll do it!" Mina offered right away. She grabbed Scarlet Thunder and lead the horses as she walked down the path with the children, Sophitia walking behind the wagon.

Talim looked over at Maxi and Siegfried. Only Siegfried returned her look and nodded to the forest. Talim nodded too. It was now or never!

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So... Here's chapter 13 of this story! Ignore the message at the top of the story. I've taken the story off so I can rewrite it. Check out my page for more info on the upcoming stories. Thanks!


	14. I'm Not A Hooker!

Disclaimer: Yo hacer non propio Soul Calibur!

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**Chapter Fourteen: I'm Not A Hooker!**

We left our heroes as Yunsung was bravely fighting off the bi-polar Tira, Mina and Sophitia (and her kids) were making a run for it, and Maxi, Siegfried, Talim and Alun were about to go help Yunsung. Will they be able to stop----

Tira crashed through the forest and was soon followed by Yunsung. They were fighting like, well, like barbarians. Tira was more graceful, but Yunsung's head scratch took Silver. Their battle moved onto the path where the 4 were standing and they had to scramble out of the way to avoid a limb falling off or something.

"Wheeheehee! Die already, so I can give your body to Soul Edge!" Tira laughed as she chased after Yunsung. "It's been oh so long since I last saw my master, I really do miss him, you know!"

"Soul Edge!" Talim gasped. "So it is trying to some back!" She ran up behind Tira and head butted her. It was the first thing she thought of and it seemed to work.

"Ahh!" Tira spun around. "You! You're that one girl who loves puppies and kitties, huh?" Tira put her hands behind her back and smiled.

"Yeah, what's it to you, evil psycho... thing!" Talim was bad at name calling. Very bad indeed.

"Well, haha. I have something to show you!" And Tira brought out the most adorable puppy in the world. It was a (insert your favorite dog here) with big wet eyes and a cute pink nose. Talim went into Talim-Mode instantly.

"Eep! Why hebbo wuttle cutey pie! You're so cute, yes you are!" She took the puppy from Tira quicker than you can say, "Leg Hair."

While Talim was occupied with the (insert favorite dog here) puppy, Tira ran off past the others and after Sophitia. A lot of screaming was heard and then some crashing and Seung Mina came running back with a smile on her face and hands behind her back.

"Mina! Where's Sophitia and her kids?" Maxi demanded.

"Oh, them? I gave them to Tira," Mina smiled. "And she gave me this!" She pulled out the most adorable kitten in the world. It was a (insert favorite cat here) with big wet eyes and a cute pink nose. Siegfried went into Talim-Mode instantly.

"Why hebbo wuttle cutey pancake!" And he took the kitten and pranced off to show Talim and dress the animals in little clothes and such. Alun was very sad that his master like the puppy more, so he decided to go back home and hand out with the other birds at the village.

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Some ways down the path, Ivy was walking along when she saw Tira driving a wagon with what looked like people tied up in the back.

"I won't ask..." Ivy kept walking.

"Good, because I wouldn't have told you..." Tira didn't even look at her.

And they continued in opposite directions.

Ivy walked around the corner of the forest to see a bunch of people yelling at each other, playing with kittens and puppies and doing cartwheels. Today couldn't get any weirder.

"O... Kay..." Ivy blinked at the group and stopped on a familiar blonde man. "YOU!"

Siegfried pointed at Ivy, "YOU!" Then he ran like he had never ran before. "Haha! Now you can't kill me!" He yelled back at the woman who he had worked with as Nightmare. He kept running until a tree jumped out of the forest and he ran into it.

Everyone was staring at him by now, and then at Ivy who just shrugged. Maxi pulled out a piece of paper and wrote the letters I.O.U. on it and handed it to Ivy.

"What's this for?" Ivy asked taking the paper from him.

"For tonight, love," Maxi said, fixing his hair with one hand.

"...Wait..." Ivy punched Maxi in the face. "I'M NOT A HOOKER!"

"What!" Maxi rubbed his face once he sat up. He had a black eye now. _Great, _he though. _A broken arm, messed up hair, no money, black eye, what girl would want me now?_

"That's right!" Ivy growled. "And remember that!"

She stormed off down the path and on her way she grabbed the puppy and kitten. She mumbled something about being alone and needing the company more than they did.

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As Siegfried lay under that tree, he thought about a lot of things. Most of them were about his past and killing his father and becoming a freak with a freaky arm that had a freaky sword and killed a whole mess of people. But the one thing his mind was stuck on was:

Women.

They were mysterious things. His mom was one, yes. But they still baffled him. To top things off, he never got the "Birds and the Bees" talk. So... He was a bit confused in that department. He would ask one of the girls to tell him the story.

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"Yo, pretty boy. Get up!" Yunsung looked down at Siegfried who had gone off into Dreamland. "We all decided that we're still gonna go to your castle thing and hang out there. Is that okay with you?"

"Oh, yes,"Siegfried smiled and rolled over, allowing him to stand up. "That's alright! And maybe we could stop by my mother's house. I haven't seen her since I killed my dad by accident and I do miss her so!"

Yunsung grinned at him and hurried off to tell the others. Everyone then walked back up to Siegfried who was looking at the tree and hugging it every once in a while.

"I luuuuurve you tree!"

"Told you he was coo-coo..." Yunsung grumbled to Mina who smiled and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Alrighty then! It's been decided that we'll keep heading to Germany and stay at Siegfried's place, then, sometime in the middle of that, Sieggy can go and visit his mom." Siegfried gave the group a big smile. "Then, after much thinking, we'll come up with our next plan."

The group was silent. Then Siegfried spoke to the girls, "Um, could you girls tell me the secret ways of the girl? Oh, and the 'Birds and Bees' story would be nice. I had a deprived childhood."

"You go right ahead Mina, he's all yours!" Talim pushed Seung Mina towards him and she bolted off to walk with Man-Cleavage/Eyebrows and Monkey Boy for a while.

"Hey... Oh. Okay, I'll tell you..." Mina sighed and grabbed Siegfried's arm pulling him along while she explained how babies were made.

"No... Way..." Siegfried eyes widened in horror and amazement.

"Ya way, and that's not all..." Mina went on about everything you would learn in 5th or 6th grade about both boys _and_ girls. She didn't think his brain could take all this information in at once and was ready to duck behind something so brain gunk didn't hit her when his brain exploded. But he did well, and asked questions that Mina wished he didn't. "This is gonna be a looooong day..." Mina whined.

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Okay, folks! Chapter 14 done! The next chapter holds a surprise (don't they all?)! Here's a hint:

You'll wet your pants, and then your parent/guardian will ask, "Okay, who went pee?"

See ya then!


	15. It's Kilik! And Xianghua!

Disclaimer: If you haven't found out yet, are too stupid realize that I say it all the time, or just didn't care: My last disclaimer said, "I do not own Soul Calibur!" And I don't.

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**Chapter Fifteen: It's Kilik! And Xianghua!**

In the two days they traveled, it had been hectic for all of them, that is, except Maxi. His arm was all better now and his black eye was fading. Plus, his hair was back to it's beautiful self again. The only thing missing was money... and he wasn't sure how to fix that.

Mina had her hands full with teaching Siegfried all there was to "Growing Up" and all, that she didn't have anymore free time. He kept asking questions! So many questions! It made her dizzy just thinking about how many he asked her. She wasn't sure she could even count that high!

Yunsung and Talim were getting along just fine and Yunsung thought that maybe they could be more than friends, but kept this to himself. Talim just wanted to be friends and fought off Yunsung whenever he pulled something boy-like. Like putting his arm around her waist or shoulders, poking her in the side and helping her get things that she could get easily on her own. It was tough, yes. But well worth it.

They were hungry too. They hadn't eaten since Sophitia was with them and they were all starving. Mina had found some berries when Siegfried was busy thinking up more questions and ate them without asking Talim if they were okay. They weren't. And she was stricken with diarrhea instantly.

'Why didn't you ask me?" Talim demanded when Mina came back out from behind a bush (This was her 37th time behind that bush).

"I was so hungry, and I knew if I found food then I would have to share, so... yeah. And also--- Uh." Mina ran off to the bush once again.

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He knew that voice. He had heard it so many times before. He ran faster through the thick forest. "Hurry, Xianghua! I think Maxi's just outside the forest!" Kilik shouted back to his companion.

Xianghua was having some difficulty with the trees though. She wasn't a tree person and they weren't Xianghua trees...

"Help me, would you?" Xianghua squeaked as her pant leg got caught on a tree branch. "Ki... lik..." But he was already gone. She sighed and fought off the tree with a few slaps and such. She then ran after him and cursed under breath.

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At first, they thought it was a strange kind of bird trying to sing a song and singing it badly. Then they realized it was Seung Mina screaming. They all looked to the bush where she had gone to do her business.

"Eek! Men are such perverts!" Mina screamed running out while pulling up her pants (Oh, and I forgot to mention that she's in her 2p costume...).

"I am not!" Kilik shouted stepping out of the forest. "I just heard Maxi's voice and started running!" Kilik then noticed Maxi. "MAXI!" He flung himself into the other man's arms. "I've missed you **soooooo **much!"

"Dude," Maxi pushed him away. "I'm happy to see you too, but not that much..."

"No, you don't understand!" Kilik complained. "Spending all that time with Xianghua really got me thinking."

"About what?"

"I don't love her. She's so annoying and... and bossy, and childish! Argh! I hate her living guts, I hope the trees kill her..."

"..." Was all anyone could muster. He was mean.

"Well, being with you wasn't a walk in the woods!" Xianghua pouted walking out of the tree branches and brushing off the twigs and leaves that she was covered in. "And the woods ain't that great..."

The couple bickered for quite some time before they were broken up by rustling in the trees behind Xianghua. _Were the trees back for more! Oh noes!_ Xianghua ran for it while she still could and from the dark abyss of the forest came Raphael.

"Please, please!" Raphael held up his hands when the group took out their weapons. "I'm not going suck your blood. Too messy for my liking..." He cleared his throat. "No, what I do want is my jewels and money back. I believe you took them when I was stabbed by the author."

The characters racked their brains for back then in Chapter 5 (I think) and remembered that they had stolen the French man's stuff. Only, not Siegfried, Kilik or Xianghua, for they weren't there.

"Heh, funny thing about those jewels..." Maxi bit his lip about to tell them all that he dropped everything in the fire, when the author jumped out of the forest some ways away from Raphael.

"Oh... Haldo, Raphael!" Kristen (Me) walked up to the man. "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" She grabbed his ear and started to drag him off. " You know that your tight tush belongs to me. Let's go!"

"Ow ow ow! I'm sorry! I just wanted to make some friends! Whaaaa, you never let me do anything!" Raphael cried.

"See? This whining thing is exactly why I stabbed you!"

"I thought you were just crazy..."

"... STAB!"

"Owey!"

"Serves you right, pansy Frenchman."

"Hey..."

"You want me to stab you again!"

"No."

"Then shut up and obey me, and we'll get along just fine."

"Okay..."

"... Sorry about stabbing you."

"S'okay."

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The couple could be seen walking off into the sunset, hand in hand. It made the main people happy that they were able to find true love, Talim wiped a tear out of her eye and Siegfried pulled out a hanky. But Mina took it before he could use it and blew her nose with it. She then handed it back.

"Thanks..." Siegfried held the cloth an arm's length away. "You can keep it if you want, Mina." He held it out to her.

"Ew, no! That's gross!" She moved away. "It has snot all over it!"

Siegfried sighed. He was gonna miss his hanky.

So, after the quick funeral of the Hanky, the group continued onward for... Wait. What are they doing now? They found Kilik and Xianghua, they tried (and failed) to save Sophitia, and so... Oh! I remember now! They're going to go to Germany to visit Mama Siegfried! Haha.

So, after all that jazz that went on, they started back down the path. From studying maps on the game and in real life, the author has found out that the Lost Chapel is somewhere in Southern Poland, or something like that. And Poland was next door to Germany, so it would be easy to find. In fact, Poland and Germany were so close of next door neighbors, that they saw ach other every morning when both of them go out to get the paper which the paper boy throws badly in their yards. They would pick up that paper and then look up and see the other and Germany would say, "Guten Tag!" and Poland would say whatever Hello/Good Morning is in Polish. I'm too lazy to look it up, so if you look it up, send me a review or something with what it is.

Anywho, so they continued on their way. Things happened and they soon arrived in Germany. Waiting for them was the most scary thing you could ever imagine. No. It's not that, but darn close...

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Sorry for the long wait. I've been lazier than normal. Also, my final exams have been making me study a bit, and I forgot about this story. I'M SORRY! (hugs you all) I love you though. And that's why I continued the chapter. Stay tuned for the next episode of TAoDaU!

Taodau? That's a weird abbreviation...


	16. Dear Diary

Disclaimer: Only 15 more chapters to go! And... I really need to make up my mind on this: Okay, so the Empire Noodles story will make a preview in Chapter 31 of this story. That's the last chapter, and it's only going to give you a quick look at what's to come. Talim's Adventure of DOOM and Unluckiness! will end at chapter 30, sad, yes I know, but true. I have already planned out what happens in each chapter, but if any of you have an idea or two, I'd love you forever.

This chapter goes out to the-everglow. I luuuurve you so much! Thanks again for the ideas!

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**Chapter Sixteen: Dear Diary**

So, last chapter I said that they arrived in Germany to see the most scary thing in the world? Well, I lied. They haven't reached Germany yet and are still stuck somewhere in Hungary or Czechoslovakia. Or whatever.

Days passed and the gang was hungry (In Hungary! Ha! Okay, shut up.) and smelly. They traveled through the farm lands and rarely went into towns in fear that someone would notice Siegfried and everyone would try to kill them.

At camp one night the boys had gone off to see if they could find anything to eat. Talim had shown them the okay berries and Mina told them what ones where bad. As Talim walked back after making sure she knew what way the boys were going (In case they got in trouble so she could go help) she tripped over something laying on the ground.

"Aieeee!" Talim fell face first and got a mouth full of dirt. She spit it out and look over at what attack her feet.

It was a book. A pretty pink one with lace on the edges and a cute little lock on the front with stickers of hearts, kittens and flowers. Talim picked it up and stared open mouthed at it.

"Hey, is this yours, Xianghua?" Talim asked when she sat down at the campfire.

"No..." Xianghua looked up from her diary. "This is mine." She held it up. It had things such as I HATE KILIK and KILIK MUST DIE writen all over it.

"Oh. Okay, is it yours, Mina?" Talim looked over at Seung Mina who was digging a hole in the ground. Why? No one knew.

"Nope! I've never had a diary before," Mina stopped her digging and sat on the ground.

"Then who's is it?" Talim wondered out loud. The other girls came over and inspected the cute book as well. Then Mina took it and stuck her pinky nail in the lock.

"What are you doing?" Xianghua whispered.

"Breaking the lock, duh!" Mina rolled her eyes.

"But you can't! It's someone's deep dark secrets, they put them in a locked book to make sure no one would ever read them!" Talim whined.

"Which is why I'm trying to open it," Mina took out her nail and glared at the book. "Thing wont open..." She got out Scarlet Thunder and put the book on the ground. Then she struck down on the lock and it broke off.

"... Mina, how could you?" Talim pouted.

"Aw, come on! You know you want to read it too!" Xianghua teased.

"... Well... Okay, yes I do!" Talim rushed over to read the diary with the two girls.

"That's my Talim!" Mina cheered. They all sat down and opened the book to the first page:

_Dear Diary,_

_I love Talim. Thought I'd get that off my chest first. My name is Yunsung and I've decided to start off my adventure with this diary! Anyways, I'm supposed to be packing for some trip Mina's got planned for us. I'm scared... She can be a devil sometimes and----_

"Hey!" Mina yelled at the book, who just sat there.

"Shush!" Xianghua snapped.

"This is Yunsung's?" Talim looked at the cover of the book. The girls started laughing hysterically.

_--- she smells like a rodent crapped on her face._

Mina looked like she was about to kill the poor book. But the girls stopped her, and they continued.

_I can hear Hwang yelling in the hallway. Something about his "Panties are pink!" What the hell? He's gay, I swear it. Oh no. Mina's on her way, I should start packing before I get a severe beating to the shins and toes. I love me little toes._

_Love, Yunsung_

Just then, the boys came back from their hunting trip. They weren't at the camp yet, but close. The girls started squealing and trying to find a place to hide the diary. They decided that under Mina's butt was the best.

"Hey, ladies!" Maxi grinned dropping firewood near the fire pit. "We found some food, but only berries."

"Then that means Mina's not eating!" Yunsung laughed.

The girls exchanged looks and tried to not laugh. But they did. Which confused the boys a lot.

"I think they already ate some of those crazy berries..." Kilik murmured to Siegfried.

"Yeah," he laughed. "Hey, Mina..."

"W-what?" Mina stopped laughing for a moment.

"You look taller."

"What?"

"You look taller now, I don't remember you being so tall when you sit."

"Oh um well..."

"What's that under your butt?" Maxi asked, leaning over to see what she was sitting on.

"Uh. Nothing!" Mina squeaked. Talim and Xianghua sat close to her to hide the book.

"O...kay..."

They ate the berries in silence and the girls didn't look at each other because they were afraid that they would start laughing again. They waited for the right moment and Mina took the book out from under her when the boys weren't looking and put it in Talim's puffy pants. You could hide anything in those pants!

Later on they set up the tent that Xianghua had brought (Kilik had one for the boys) and huddled up to read Yunsung's Diary again.

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They had read most of the entries, which had something to do with loving Talim in each one. When they reached the entry after Zasalamel had almost killed them.

_Dear Diary,_

_I almost died today._

_Love, Yunsung_

_PS: I was about to tell Talim how I felt about her, but I couldn't. My throat was hurting from almost dying. But if I had, I wonder how she would have reacted..._

Mina and Xianghua looked over at Talim and in unison said, "HOW ROMAAAAAANTIC!" Talim gave them both a good slapping.

"There's nothing 'romaaaaaantic' about it! So... go get crapped on the face by a rodent!" Talim rolled over and faced the tent wall, pouting in that Talim way of hers.

There was no arguing with a mad Talim. So they left the reading fiasco at that and all went to sleep.

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The next morning they got up bright and early to read another entry before they had to get going again. This one was after Sophitia had been kidnapped by Tira and Ivy had slapped Maxi.

_Dear Diary,_

_My goodness, this adventure is more doomful every day. We just lost Sophitia and her kids to some bipolar chick and Maxi thought Ivy was a hooker and tried to give her an I.O.U. Because we don't have any money. Ivy punched him and now he's quite ugly. I mean, with those eyebrows and that man-cleavage, he's... questionable. _

_Siegfried ran into a tree, and Ivy took the kitten and puppy Tira gave us. I miss them... We're going to go to Germany to stay at Siegfried's place. I hope there's no monsters there! I might wet my pants again... _

_Oh! Diary, you can't tell anyone but----_

"Pshahahaha!" Mina burst out laughing. "He talks to his diary? Hahaha!"

"That's the point of a diary, Mina!" Xianghua explained.

"Oh," Mina started reading the book again.

_I think Siegfried's hot._

_Love,_

_Mrs. Siegfried Schtuaffen_

"Pshahahahahaha!" Mina burst out laughing once more, and so did Talim and Xianghua. They could all hardly breath from laughing so hard.

"That was priceless!" Xianghua giggled.

"I can't wait to use this against him!" Mina hugged the book and sniffed it.

"You can't!" Talim jumped over to grab the diary from Mina, but Mina moved out of the way.

"Yes I can! He's been mean to me, and that comment about the rodent must--- Hey! Where are you going?" Mina looked after Talim who stepped out of their tent and was headed for the boys tent.

"Oh no, she isn't?" Xianghua bit her lip.

"She is..." Mina growled and chased after the wind priestess. This was war! She picked up a piece of wood and chucked it across the camp. It hit Talim in the back of the head, making her fall over into the boys tent.

"Ack! We're being attacked!" Kilik yelled.

"AAAHHH! Not Nightmare!" Siegfried screamed.

"My hair!" Maxi whined.

"Zzzzzzzz, " Yunsung snored, not noticing Talim.

Talim quickly got up and glared back at Mina. This was war, Girl War. And you know what that means, right? Yup, a lot of hair pulling and pinching. Xianghua was referee and the boys (Including Yunsung who woke up when he heard Talim and Mina scream) were the audience.

"Well, folks, today is a fine day indeed for a battle!" Xianghua shouted. She was also the announcer. "Here we have Talim, Priestess of the Wind vs. Seung Mina, Girl with a Heart!"

"And no brain..." Yunsung muttered.

"Oh! Mina just slapped Talim! What will the good girl do now?"

Talim punched Mina in the face, that's what she did. Which didn't make Mina happy, in fact, it made her cry.

"I'm so sorry, Mina! I didn't mean to hit so hard!" Talim cried trying to help.

"No, it's okay. I was just shocked that you would do something like that!" Mina smiled.

"Well, you were going to be mean to Yunsung, and he's one of my friends, so I had to do something!" Talim replied.

"We're still friends, right?"

"Of course!"

"Best friends!"

"Teehee!"

The girls hugged and stood up. Then they grabbed Xianghua and skipped off to pick flowers. Siegfried ran after them.

"Hey! I wanna pick flowers too!" He yelled.

The girls stopped and waited for the cute German (He is cute, you have to admit it...) and they all skipped off hand in hand.

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Tada! The next chapter I swear they'll be in Germany. That's where it'll start off with. Ahhh! Today's my second to last day! Tomorrow I get off of school and become a Sophomore! Whee yet Boooo! I'm scared. But, during the summer I'll be able to write a lot more and I'll finish the story hopefully by the end of July. Maybe even sooner. Who knows? It'll be hot, so I might come to my Compy for coolness x3.

Stay tuned for **Chapter 17: Home, Sweet Castle**!


	17. Home, Sweet Castle

Disclaimer: Oops... I don't think I said I don't own Soul Calibur last chapter so I'll make up for it here:

I don't own Soul Calibur. I don't own Soul Calibur.

There. And there.

Oh! And I put up a new story. It's a one-shot thing, about Final Fantasy VIII. I had to.

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**Chapter Seventeen: Home, Sweet Castle**

Ah, Germany! Nothing better than a bunch of German folk yelling Blegh! Only twenty-three meters! at you. Wait, or was that Scotland? Either way, the sights, smells and sounds of merry Germany was in the air!

Then there was Ostrheinsburg Castle. It put the gloom in gloomy. I put the 'y' there for kicks, yeah, that's right. It was me! The one who is currently smelling like Tuna since she tried to make Tuna Helper. It's still cooking. It has about (looks at microwave) 3 more minutes to cook. Then I have to let it set to thicken the sauce.

Back to business then!

The little group consisting of Talim, Yunsung, Seung Mina, Maxi, Siegfried, Kilik and Xianghua were now in Germany. Not Hungary, Germany. Here, Siegfried was welcomed and people kept throwing money and food at him when he passed, so they soon had enough to last them for a few weeks.

"Are you a hero here, or something?" Maxi asked nibbling on a piece of bread someone threw at his hair.

"No, they just think I'm Nightmare," Siegfried smiled at his friends. "They give me stuff so I wont kill them!"

"You wouldn't kill them, would you?" Talim gulped.

"Of course not, silly!" Siegfried laughed then stopped suddenly. His face was blank and he continued walking. The others had to run to catch up.

The group was silent for the rest of the trip. It was scary that Mina could keep quiet for this long, but she was just scared that Siegfried would kill her if she spoke. She liked living, and didn't want to give it up already.

Kilik coughed, and everyone looked at him.

"What?" He backed away from them.

"You lose!" Talim giggled.

"Lose what?"

"The Quiet Game. You talked, so you lose!"

"O... kay..."

They then decided to have another round and the game started again.

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No one would talk. But when Ostrheinsburg appeared in sight, then Siegfried ended the game.

"There it is! Whee!" He started running towards the castle but was stopped by the front gate. "Hey! Move it fatso!" It didn't budge. "I said move!" Still didn't move. "Grr, okay! You asked for it!" Siegfried pulled out a stick of dynamite and lit it with his armor. "Here we go!" He stuck it in a crack in the gate and ran for it, dragging his friends with him.

BOOM! The explosion was heard and felt all the way around the world, making everyone shake in their boots. Somewhere in the world, Setsuka was walking with Mitsurugi and they felt it too. A rock went flying through the air and hit Setsuka. She fell and Mitsurugi started screaming like a girl until a rock hit him too.

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"There..." Siegfried got up from his hiding place under a possum and brushed off the dirt on his armor. "That should teach it a lesson."

The others stared in horror at where the large gate had once stood. All that remained was a gap and some dust flying around. This dust made Mina sneeze.

"Bless you," Kilik sighed.

"Thanks," Mina rubbed her nose.

They all got up and walked carefully to the gate while Siegfried strided like a proud pony or something.

The inside of the castle was quiet dusty and dirty. It looked like it had been unoccupied for some time. Siegfried muttered something about Nightmare not being a very good housekeeper. He also blamed the mess on Tira and her birds. There was bird poo everywhere!

"I also blame this mess on, "Siegfried grunted throwing a large rock out a window. "On Astaroth. His rock gnomes are the most piggish things I have ever met! And Ivy's not getting out of this either!" He continued to clean the place and the others joined, listening to his constant ramblings.

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At lunch break, which they decided to have in the dining hall, Yunsung questioned Kilik and Xianghua on their journey and how they went missing. They were more than happy to share the story, and Kilik started...

"Well, I guess I'll start with our kidnapping; One day, we were walking and some guy came up to us and tried to sell us as slaves." Kilik looked off into the distance.

"Was it Yoshimitsu?" Talim asked.

"Might of... I can't remember..." Kilik rubbed his chin. "Was it?" He turned to Xianghua.

"Maybe," She shrugged.

"Anyway, um... We fought off the guy and went on with our walk..." Kilik stopped to take a bite of his sandwich and while he did, Xianghua took over.

"On our walk I realized that Kilik is a horrible person and that I didn't love him and for some reason, he hated me too!" Xianghua glared at Kilik.

"Well, maybe it's because you're a bossy (bleep) and I (bleep) your (bleep) guts!" Kilik grimaced at her.

"Or maybe it's because you're a (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) who can't (bleep) a (bleep) or find your way out of paper bag!" She screamed at Kilik. Jumping up and yelling yet another set of bad words. Tsk tsk. "(bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) you!" And she stormed off.

"Goodness..." Mina whispered.

Siegfried let go of Talim's ears, which he was covering while all that was being yelled. "Indeed." He sighed. "You didn't hear any of that, did you Talim?"

"No."

"Good. We can't have your pure mind corrupted by such people."

"Hey! I'm still here!" Kilik shouted.

"So?" Siegfried put some jam on a biscuit.

"Never mind..." Kilik got up and left in the opposite direction of Xianghua.

"They'll get back together in 5 minutes," Maxi said without looking up from a book he found in the Library, called, _How to make your hair look incredibly sexy in just 3 easy steps._ The book looked like it had at least 200 pages in it, so those steps must have been long ones.

"What makes you say that?" Yunsung asked.

"Once those two finish yelling at each other about everything they hate about each other, they realize that they love each other all over again..." Maxi turned the page of the book.

"Oh..." Yunsung went back to eating.

"Um, Yunsung, don't eat that!" Siegfried pounced across the table and grabbed Yunsung's hand before he was able to put the pastry in his mouth.

"Why not?" He looked at the food then at Siegfried.

Now, this was a very funny picture. Siegfried laying across the table and holding Yunsung's hand. And since Talim and Mina had read Yunsung's diary, and the current situation going on, they couldn't help but laugh. Maxi was left out of this and felt saddened by it. No one ever told him anything.

"Ivy made that some 4 years ago... Never trust her cooking and what time will do to it!" Siegfried took the pastry out of his hand and looked over at Talim and Mina. "What's so funny?"

"N-nothing!" Mina giggled. "Nothing at all (cough)."

"Yeah, let's keep eating!" Talim tried to change the subject.

So, to the boys, the 'funny thing' remained unknown. So concludes this chapter of TAODAU!

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Whee! I'm getting better at updating! The next chapter will shock you all! But I'm not releasing the title, so ha!


	18. Curry Thief

Disclaimer: Me no own SC. Oh! I got the Soul Calibur 3 Strategy Guide in the mail today! (today being 6-16-06) And I am currently working on those new outfits for the main characters, they'll have new titles than the ones I posted before. I'm not sure what they'll be, but my sister's best friend is helping with them. Mostly Xianghua's and Mina's clothes. I have one for Talim and one for one of the guys. So... I'll post the link to my gallery when I get them up! Oh, which is supposed to be the next chapter... Um. Okay then... I wont be updating until I get the pictures done, so you'll have to wait after this is up. Sorry! But it must be done!

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**Chapter Eighteen: Curry Thief**

If was a beautiful day that day and so Siegfried decided he would go visit his mother and told everyone to behave themselves while he was gone.

"I left a list of names and numbers (Shut up! I know they don't have phones!) in case of an emergency on the fridge, so be good kids," He kissed everyone on the forehead and left the house wearing a frilly dress and matching bonnet with a basket of cookies. It was only soon after that Siegfried realized this and raced back to the castle to change. He left again after replaying everything he had done before, but Maxi ducked out of the way when Siegfried tried to kiss his forehead again.

"Finally!" Kilik cracked his neck. "Now we can PAR-TAY!" He started some nerdy dance and dragged Yunsung into it. Mina soon followed.

Xianghua was walking down the hall by the room the small par-tay was going on in and looked around the door to see what was going on.

"Hey! Let me join!" She ran up to them and brought out some alcohol and a boom box. The others wooted and cheered and took the stuff.

RWA RWA! Okay, now that I have your attention, I would like to make a quick warning: KIDS! DO NOT DRINK! IT'S BAD FOR YOU! Also, I know they don't have boom boxes, but just pretend they do for this story. RWA RWA!

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Talim was out playing in the gardens with the wild forest animals, so she didn't join the par-tay inside. They were already having their own and were sipping tea and eating crumpets. They were perfectly happy with their par-tay.

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Maxi was in the kitchen trying to make a bowl of curry. The only thing was; there was no curry powder! _Oh noes! What will I do? _He continued to look through every cabinet, top and bottom. He leaned down to look in a lower cabinet.

"Looking for this?" A female voice teased, dangling a packet of curry powder in front of Maxi's face.

"What the--- YOU!" Maxi looked up at the woman and gasped. "Taki!" He jumped up and got out Chained Kozuka.

Taki laughed a menacing laugh.

"Give me back that curry powder so I can make curry and eat it!" Maxi yelled.

"Over my dead body."

"... That can be arranged." Maxi raised an Eyebrow and jumped at Taki, knocking her down. He then proceeded to pull her hair and pinch her to get to the packet. But Taki was the master at cat fights and started slapping Maxi and pulling on his hair. She knew his weak spot, and once that hair was messy, she would win, just like always.

Maxi could feel his hair getting messy and un-pretty, but his anger had taken over and he didn't care. He wanted this curry more than anything and even put his sexiness at risk.

The fight continued and started rolling. Really, it did. They had rolled out of the kitchen, up the hallway, down a flight of stairs, into a bedroom, out of the room, down another flight of stairs and into the room where Kilik, Yunsung, Mina and Xianghua were having their par-tay. But the party peoples didn't notice Taki and Maxi rolling on the ground trying to kill each other because they were too drunk to care. They were playing strip poker and Mina was losing. So they rolled out of that room and into the next where there was an expensive looking figure of some God.

Maxi rolled over so he was on the bottom and kicked up, sending Taki flying into the figure which shattered into a million little pieces. The fighting stopped instantly. Taki stood up and looked at the figure, then at Maxi on the ground.

"Siegfried's gonna kill you," She said and threw the packet of curry at Maxi and jumped out the window. As she left she yelled back, "I don't wanna die, so I'm gone! See ya, sucker!"

What was Maxi gonna do?

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He made the rest of the curry, that's what.

"Mmm, smells good!" Maxi poured the curry sauce all over the rice he had made and sat down to eat. He was soon interrupted by a high pitched scream coming from downstairs. Everyone ran to the room where it came from. Even Talim, who was very busy with her animal friends, came to help. The drunken loonies came wobbling in and Maxi (with messy hair and a hand mark on his face from Taki) came in with a bowl of curry.

Siegfried was standing over the broken figure, sobbing. When Maxi saw this, he looked away and at the window to see Taki looking back through it, laughing. She pointed and snickered at him and then brought up a bowl of curry which looked oddly like the one he had been eating.

Maxi looked down at his hands to see nothing. He saw hands, but no bowl. He glared at the ninja and clenched his fists in fury. Siegfried was still sobbing and Talim was trying to comfort him while the others were being drunk. Maxi ran for the window and broke through it! Landing on Taki, punching her in the face and taking the bowl out of her hands. A loud voice yelled, "K.O.!" and Maxi did one of his victory poses.

"You wanna steal my curry?" Maxi laughed. "Well, too bad! It's mine!" And he gobbled it down without another word.

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After much story telling, the whole thing was sorted out. Siegfried found out that it was Taki and Maxi who broke the figure, so he put them on cleaning duty for a week. Kilik, Yunsung, Mina and Xianghua became sober and Talim made new friends that now stayed in the 3rd floor master bedroom.

Taki became a new member of the Doomed Squad of Doom. Everyone welcomed her with loving arms. Everyone that is, except Maxi. He still hated her. But the others liked her. Sure she was mean to them and cursed like a sailor, but that made Mina like her even more.

"So, you ever kill anyone?" Mina asked one day at breakfast.

Taki slowly looked up at her. "I had to kill my master when Soul Edge had taken over him and when I thought he was pure again and still alive I found out that he was still evil and wanted to kill me. So I slaughtered him."

"..." Mina went back to her food.

"I had to kill my sworn sister and some of the Temple members in order to survive," Kilik added.

"I... haven't had to kill anyone so far..." Xianghua admitted.

"Neither have I," Yunsung burped. "'S'cuse me."

"I hope I never have to kill anyone..." Talim wished upon a star, makes no difference who you are... Up above the world so--- No! Stop now... Okay. (sigh)

"I killed my father by accident and kept telling myself that someone else did it until I went insane and went after Soul Edge and turned into Nightmare..." Siegfried giggled. "So I guess I'm the cause of both your killings, eh?" Kilik and Taki glared at Siegfried until he yelled at them to get their elbows off the table. "That's bad manners."

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Talim skipped outside, her arm linked with a aggravated Taki. She wanted to show Taki the "wonders of the outdoors" or something like that.

Taki had a black eye from Maxi punching her and so, wore an eye patch. It was cool eye patch, not like one of those silly kid ones you can buy at a par-tay store. It was a real eye patch that pirates wore! Black Beard wore it! And I don't even think he wore an eye patch.

The Wonders of the Outdoors was nothing she hadn't already seen on the Discovery Channel. Alligators eating small little animals and birds making nests while snakes and weasels steal their eggs while they're not looking.

Like she said, nothing special.

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Phew! Only about 12 more chapters to go! I'm a little sad now... I might have to do another one on the main characters of SC. And by the way: I've finished Talim's new outfit, so the next chapter (Chapter 19: New Clothes for Talim!) will be posted once I get my scanner working and put the picture up. I'm even coloring them for you guys! You should be bowing at my feet and kissing my toes and throwing thorn less roses at me. I'm putting a lot of effort into these.

Also, I will be gone some time around the 4th of July. I'm going to Montana to visit my Great Grandma. I've never been to Montana, and who knows? I might get some really good ideas from that place. I should be gone for 2 weeks at the most. Maybe less. We're driving there in a motor-home so it shouldn't be that long. I'll be writing the rest of the chapters in a notebook if I do work on them, for I don't have a laptop of my own.

TTFN! (Ta ta for now!)


	19. Where's Siegfried?

Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Calibur! Also, the new outfits are gone. I'm not finishing them and I had to rename and think up something for Chapter 19 and 20. Why you ask? Because people on dA (deviantART) suck. I know I sound mean, but it's because of them. I posted Talim and Seung Mina and this one person is all like, "Proportions are off" and "neck looks twisted" or something. And that was for Mina. For Talim, they quoted someone else who didn't even say anything, "Doesn't even look like her" is what they said. Grr... I was going by the concept art for references. Examples: http/www.soulcalibur3.us/soulcalibur3/characters/ So, I'm in a bad mood, which affects my drawing, so I can't draw anything and I hate what I did draw for this story. I know I shouldn't listen to them, but I am. When someone says that kind of stuff, it gets to me and I get mad. Sorry, but I'm not drawing outfits anymore. You can still go look at them at my deviantART page. Go to my profile and click on homepage.

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**Chapter Nineteen: Where's Siegfried?**

Mama Siegfried was over that morning, so the characters were on their best behavior. Even Taki... (Who's black eye healed over night, oddly enough.) Which scared the others greatly.

"Hello, Mama Siegfried," They all said in unison.

"Oh, please, call me Margaret!" She laughed in that motherly laugh that mothers have. Kind of like Sophitia's mother death glare... Hmm. The memories of past chapters keep coming back to me.

"Yes ma'am."

"Heehee, they're so well behaved, Sieggy," She turned to her son and smiled. Then walked off to see how well 'Sieggy' had cleaned the castle.

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Margaret had taken over. She noticed everything that was wrong with the house and any spec of dirt that was left. She went into a cleaning frenzy and dragged everyone else into it as well. Siegfried went into hiding, I don't know where, but he did.

Talim was put on kitchen duty with Margaret, Yunsung and Kilik were made to weed the garden, Mina was in charge of bedrooms, Xianghua was given a feather duster and told to, "Dust your heart out!" and Taki and Maxi were put on overall cleaning duty once again. Everyone was put on Siegfried finding. He wasn't going to get out of cleaning his own home that easily!

"Search every nook and cranny. He can't be that good of a hider if he's the son of Fred..." Margaret growled. She was scary now. The others shuddered in fear. Just like back in the day when Mina used to laugh... Erg, more memories! Go away!

The cleaning began right after the author's breakdown and the search for Siegfried also started. Xianghua thought she saw him run down the 2nd floor hallway butt-naked, but then again, she was in love with Kilik at one point, so she just told herself it was Crazy Xianghua kicking in and went on with dusting a windowsill.

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"Rwag!" Yunsung yanked a dandelion from the flower bed.

"You don't have to make noises when you do that." Kilik grunted.

"Oh yeah? You try, it's harder than it looks!"

"Fine. I will." Kilik reached over and grabbed a dandelion and pulled up. Nothing happened. Not even a petal came off. He tried again, this time making a "Arack!" sound.

"Ha, you lose!" Yunsung pushed Kilik out of the way. "At least I could pull one up, you pansy."

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Talim gazed out the window as she washed the dishes. She wished she had Yunsung and Kilik's job. It looked like fun. One of her favorite hobbies was gardening. She sighed and continued her boring work.

"Oh, hun..." Margaret sighed. "Don't be so gloomy!"

"But washing dishes is boring! They look like someone threw up on them." Talim put a clean plate on a small pile of other clean dishes.

"Well then, let's make it fun!" Mama Siegfried smiled.

"How?"

"Um... I was gonna ask you that."

Just then, Maxi ran past the kitchen door. Behind him was Taki with a vacuum cleaner and screaming something in Japanese at him. Taki stopped at the door and waved at the two, then she went on with her blood hunt.

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"I already said I was sorry!" Maxi cried as he ran for his very life. "I swear I thought your butt was a pillow! I was trying to pick it up!"

"Quit your jibber jabber, dead man!" Taki threw the vacuum at Maxi, which hit him in the head, causing him to fall over into another expensive looking figure.

Taki stared in horror as the figure fell and shattered. _Crap! _She ran for it before Siegfried found her at the scene of the crime.

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Bedroom duty was the most fun thing Mina had ever been assigned. She loved it dearly and laughed at everyone else's dumb jobs.

While in Yunsung's room she put his diary on the bed and left a note with it. A very nasty note which told Yunsung that she knew all his secrets and that if he tried anything, she'd use it all against him. Only she didn't say who she was in the letter. The name she put was Ms. I Know All Your Dirty Little Secrets, So Watch Out! (Yes, I know that's a long name, shut up! Remember, I know all about You-Know-Who! 3 )

She giggled to herself as she left the room.

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Siegfried yawned. _Man, these guys suck at Hide-and-Seek! _He looked out from his hiding place (Which will remain unknown) and looked around.

"Heh. I have these peons in my grasp now! They're cleaning my house for me while I wait to be found!" He pulled back his hair and tried it. "I just hope they find me after mom leaves." The thought of what Mama Siegfried would do to him gave him a pain in the butt already. He remembered the spankings he used to get as a kid and how he always was teased because his mom spanked him in public. The memories made him cry a little, but he wiped them away and went back to hiding.

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Where IS Siegfried? And why is he thinking about being spanked? Will Kilik ever be able to pull up a dandelion? Will Yunsung stop making noises when he pulls up a dandelion? Will Talim get a better job? Will Margaret find something to make washing dishes fun? (No, she wont.) Will Maxi be okay after his fight with a vacuum cleaner? Will Taki get away with breaking another one of Siegfried's expensive looking figures? Will Xianghua regain her sanity? Will I ever stop asking these questions? Will you find out in Chapter 20? Maybe yes, maybe no... I'm not telling.


	20. And I say a little prayer for you!

Disclaimer: I do not own le' Soul Calibur! Send me some ideas, I'm a little lost and I'd like to know what you all like to read about! It'd help make me a better author to know what other readers like. I wouldn't send me a message, since my MSN email thing in down at the moment, so just send it in the review and I'll get back to you as soon as I can! Or you can send me a message at deviantART (krizzygirl206), Gaia Online (krizzygirl206) or Hogwarts Live (Firstyear Girl WhitePaw). Those are the sites I'm most active on. Or, if you must, you can send it to me at my MySpace (spithead), although I don't visit that site all that much. It makes me nauseous.

Watch out: There's a lot of "IXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI" because it's going from character to character and seeing what they're doing. After this chapter though, they'll be back on the dangerous road and there won't be so many break things.

And I also don't own that song that I used in the title.

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**Chapter Twenty: And I say a little prayer for you!**

Siegfried was still hiding in his super duper hiding spot when Margaret left. Once she was out the door, Siegfried fell off the ceiling and landed in the middle of his friends.

"Heya, guys!" he stood up and waved. "How was cleaning my hou-- Hey, um... What are you gonna do with those tazers?"

Moments later, Siegfried was unconscious in a cage with Maxi. And for the butt grabbing, Taki tazed Maxi as well.

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"Do you think we were a little mean to them?" Talim looked back at the cage.

"Nah, forget it!" A laughing Mina said.

_Well... At least Mina's back to her old self..._ Talim thought. _That's good._

By the time they finished with tazering the boys, everyone was pooped and decided to go to sleep. Then they remembered that they hadn't eaten yet so they made a quick dinner and then went to sleep. Leaving Maxi and Siegfried in the cage for the night.

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Up in Talim's room, Talim was saying a prayer to whatever God she worshiped... Oh wait, her God is the Wind. Okay. Scratch that! Up in Talim's room, Talim was saying a prayer to the Wind Gods.

"And please, Wind; Keep us safe, for I know already that we are doomed. Don't let Taki kill Maki, and don't let Margaret kill her son for hiding, and don't let Xianghua kill Kilik for whatever reasons she has... Amen."

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In Yunsung's room, he was praying too, "Please make Talim love me, or Siegfried. Either is good. Thanks!"

"HELL NO!"

"W-what?"

"THIS IS GOD AGAIN!"

"Oh..."

"SIEGFRIED IS MINE!"

"... Then can I have Talim?"

"SURE. BUT YOU HAVE TO WIN HER OVER YOURSELF. EVEN IF I AM GOD, I CAN'T MAKE PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE."

"Okay then... Thanks, God."

"ANYTIME, MONKEY-BOY!"

"Don't call me that!"

"HEH HEH HEH..."

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Kilik was also praying... Everyone is.

"Yeah, so... Just, don't let Xianghua anywhere near me."

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"And I want a pony and a dollhouse and a nice boyfriend who will like me for who I am and not for these stupid huge boobs. Oh! And I want a fox and unicorn and a- a, um... An mp3 player, whatever that is!"

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"Give me the strength to beat up Kilik for dumping me. That's all I want. Well, maybe not everything... I'd also like a new better man who won't tell me I'm annoying! A mime is good. Nighty night!"

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"Please give me a scarier laugh! I don't think my current one is working very well on the others. Can you help?" Mina asked the red man in front of her.

Satan thought for a moment and then replied, "It'll cost you another part of your soul."

"How about my foot?"

"Sounds good. Left or right?"

"Um... Which ever you want."

"I'm quiet found of the left feet, so... HAH!" Satan took the left foot's soul and gave Mina an even scarier laugh to scare her friends.

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"Get me out of this cage! I beg of you!" Siegfried cried.

"It's no use, just be good and maybe they'll let us out." Maxi sighed rolling over to Siegfried and back to his place.

"You're an excellent roller."

"Thanks."

"What are you in for?"

"I grabbed Taki's butt... But it was an accident! I thought it was a pillow!"

"I can see that."

"Yeah. But it was totally worth it."

"I'm sure."

"But I like Mina more that Taki..."

"Are we still talking about butts?"

"No."

"Oh... OH! You like Seung Mina! Eee! That's so cute!"

"Shut yer trap."

"Yes ma'am."

"HEY!"

"Sorry!"

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Maxi was right. The next morning the others let Siegfried and Maxi out and everyone assembled in the main room.

"Take a seat and we'll start soon," Siegfried ordered. Once they were all seated on something (Chairs, tables, fireplaces, floors, that kind of thing.) he began. "As you all should know, we're here to think up a plan. Does anyone remember? Cause I sure don't."

"Argh!" Talim pushed Siegfried out of the way and took the stage. "We're here because Nightmare is back. We need to devise a plan to 1) Find any supporters and wipe them out. 2) Find his whereabouts and break in. 3) Send troops (Which will be us in groups) in to search the area. And 4) Kill Nightmare and destroy Soul Edge once and for all. Any questions?"

Yunsung raised his hand. " How are we gonna do this if there's only eight of us? We're gonna need more if we want to kill Nightmare and his helpers."

"Already taken care of..." Taki informed. She was writing something down on many pieces of paper. "I'll send out notices to all those who appose Nightmare."

"How many are there?"

"Well, let's see: Us eight, Ivy, Cassandra, Sophitia, Olcadan and Rock."

"No, not Rock."

"Why not?"

"Yoshimitsu killed him."

"That (bleep)!"

"Yeah, I know..."

Talim sat down. _That only leaves us with twelve. This is going to be hard._

"Then we need to spilt us up! Put in the letter who their troop members are. Here's the troops:

Troop #1 will have Yunsung, Seung Mina and myself.

Troop #2 will have Maxi, Taki and Siegfried.

Troop #3 will have Cassandra, Kilik and Xianghua.

and Troop #4 will have Ivy, Sophitia and Olcadan.

Each troop will be assigned a duty once we break into Nightmare's hide out. Write to them that they are to stand by for further instructions and once we find out the hide out, we will send them where it is and they are to go straight there and wait till we arrive."

"Wow, Talim..." Mina said. "I've never seen you in control so much. It's kinda cool!"

"Yeah, we should call her Commander Talim!" Maxi laughed.

"Or General Talim!" Siegfried joked.

"This is no time for jokes! This is serious! The world is at stake and we can't fool around anymore! Do you want to die? How about your family? Your friends? People might die in this battle, but they'll die in honor. We have to make sure that none of our loved ones die for Nightmare. If anyone's going to die, it's going to be us. We'll die for our family and for each other. Who's with me?" Talim put her hand out of front of her.

"I am." Yunsung stood up and put his hand on top of hers. "I'm not letting you die alone."

"Me too!" Mina put her hand on top. "This'll be fun! Just like old times!"

"Don't leave me out..." Maxi joined them.

"Or me," Siegfried stood next to Talim and put his arm around her. "You're all like my family, I'm not gonna let Nightmare take you away from me."

"Us too!" Xianghua pulled Kilik with her to the others. "Even if we're not together anymore, Kilik and I have to stay with Maxi and each other." She put her hand on top. Kilik put his on hers.

"Yeah, can't live with you, can't live without you!" Kilik kiss her forehead.

They all turned their heads to look at Taki who stood a little while away from them.

"I don't have anyone to protect. My family and my master are all dead..." She walked up to them and placed her hand on Kilik's. "But from the few days I spent with you all, I realized that God gave me a new family."

Talim looked around at her friends. She smiled because she wanted to look strong for them. _We're so doomed._

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And so concludes another chapter of TAoDaU! The chapters will still be funny, despite what Talim said. They will be serious in some parts, so... Get ready! Set! GO! Whee...


	21. The Alias and Talim's Hot Date

Disclaimer: I love gram crackers! And I don't own Soul Calibur! Get ready for the longest chapter in the story so far! Yay! Party favors for everyone! TALIM'S ADVENTURE OF DOOM AND UNLUCKINESS! IS CURRENTLY ON HOLD! I had to do something to make you guys see this, just so you don't wait.

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**Chapter Twenty-One: The Alias and Talim's Hot Date**

BAM! The door to the main room crashed to the floor as two figures emerged from the dust. Clearly Xianghua did a horrible job in the past chapters cleaning...

"(cough) Drat! (cough) I'm allergic to dust! (cough cough)" One man gasped.

"Ergh..." The other man said.

The main guys stood ready to fight but lowered their weapons. Who were these people?

Yoshimitsu stepped out of the dust, holding his hands up in case one of them tried to attack him. Mostly he was worried about that crazy girl with the laugh. He walked up to Talim and took her hand, then he placed his hand on hers. "I'm in."

"As am I," Rock sighed. He put his hand on Yoshi's.

"Wait, I thought you were evil!" Yunsung pointed at Yoshimitsu.

"I thought you were dead!" Mina pointed at Rock.

"And you killed him!" Maxi pointed at Yoshimitsu.

"I was, he was, and I did." Yoshimitsu took out a bubble pipe and sat down in one of the chairs, motioning for all of them to gather around him. " It all started that day I had stabbed Rock when he wouldn't let us through the gates, he died, and we went on. Once you all escaped, and blah blah blah, we were about to eat the Greek girl we were roasting when I realized that what I was doing was wrong. So I let her go free, and as I left the city, Rock was just standing up. Rock you can explain now."

Rock sighed, "Well, as you know; I died, but then some guy with spiky blonde hair ran up to me, threw something at me and yelled, 'Phoenix Down!' and ran off. When I stood up, Yoshimitsu was standing there and he said he was sorry for killing me and now we're the best of friends!"

"So..." Talim looked from one man to the other.

"We're on your side, we heard the little speech you gave and I was moved." Yoshimitsu nodded. He inhaled and started choking on the bubbles he had breathed in. He forgot that he wasn't really smoking.

"And we think there's another person who can help us!" Rock turned to Talim.

"Who?"

"Setsuka. She may be on the evil side, but she hates Soul Edge and might join us if she hears about our plan."

"Or tell Nightmare and we're all dead," Siegfried stood up and crossed his arms. "We'll have to be sneaky if we're going to talk to her. She might not want to join us. If that's the case then---"

"We'll just throw some rocks at her and she'll pass out right away!" Mina laughed.

Everyone shivered in fear. What was that laugh? It sounded more demonic that ever.

"Anywho, that's a good idea. Do you guys know where she is?" Siegfried looked at Rock and Yoshimitsu who had just stopped choking.

"We think she's in France with Mitsurugi," Yoshimitsu explained. "They were headed there to talk with that Sorel man."

"Send her a letter then, but only ask for her help!" Talim ordered. "Since she knows Taki best, Taki should write it like she's inviting her to something."

Taki took out a piece of paper, "_Dear Setsuka, Yo girlfriend! You should come over to the Lost Cathedral for a party! See ya then, Taki. _How's that?"

"Good, now all we have to do is wait for the replies from everyone..."

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The week following the sending of the letters was boring as heck. So they entertained themselves with board games, reading and frolicking in the flowers. Only Kilik frolicked through some Poison Oak and was out for a while.

The first reply was from Sophitia, explaining how she got out of Tira's grasp:

_Dear friends,_

_HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME WITH TIRA! I can't believe I'm helping you, but you did help me, so... Blah. I hate being nice. All I did to get away from Tira was pinch, slap and bite my way to victory. I'm back in Greece now, and I'm on my way!_

_Love,_

_Sophitia_

"Why is she on her way? We told them all to wait!" Talim glanced at Taki, the one who wrote the letters.

"What? I thought we already knew where we were going so I put in 'Meet at Siegfried's place and we'll travel to the Lost Cathedral.'" Taki shrugged and went back to playing Chutes and Ladders with Yunsung.

They all shrugged in a wise shrugging manner and read the next letter that was hidden under Sophitia's. It was from Cassandra. DUN DUN DUN! Yunsung screamed and hid under the couch.

_Dear Talim,_

_Sure thing! I'll help! But sis doesn't sound too happy about it all, neither am I, but meh. At least I got out of that place. Tell Yunsung that I'm still gonna kill him and if you ever see Yoshimitsu, tell him he'll join Yunsung shortly after._

_Till then,_

_Cassandra_

"O... kay then..." Talim stared at the letters. "Looks like we'll need to open up the rest of the bedrooms."

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_Dear all of you,_

_Be glad to help kill Nightmare! As long as I get his head so I can put it up on my wall and spit on it in the mornings. And why did you have to stay at Ostrheinsburg? I hate that place..._

_Cheerio darlings,_

_Ivy_

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_Dear Comrades,_

_If it means a challenge, then count me in! This should be good practice for me. It's been a while since I've fought anyone. Can't wait to see you pipsqueaks!_

_Olcadan_

"Hey!" Talim pouted. "I'm not that small..."

"Yeah, you are." Xianghua giggled.

Talim gave her a good beating for that.

"Goodness, you've been spending too much time with Mina..." Yunsung muttered.

Mina gave him a good beating for that.

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_Dear Taki,_

_Meh. I've got nothing better to do, and I'd be nice to go against Nightmare for once. I'll stay with Mitsurugi for a while and get some more info on Nightmare's plans. I'll write back when I can._

_Toodles,_

_Setsuka_

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They had all helped to open up all the rooms on the 2nd floor for their friends. Even Siegfried, who had tried to run away again, but was caught climbing out the window.

"That should do it!" Talim yawned and walked out of the last bedroom. "How's the sign making going?" She looked down at Xianghua and Rock who were in charge of making pretty signs to put on the bedroom doors to tell which room belonged to who.

"Almost done!" They said at the same time.

"We just need to finish Ivy's," Rock scribbled something down on a clipboard. "Xianghua's doing that. I'm making a chart showing where everyone's room is." He had done a good job on it too. He even made sure to separate Cassandra and Yunsung from each other so Cass wouldn't strangle Yunsung at night.

"And I just finished putting complimentary chocolates on everyone's pillows!" Yunsung was running back up to them carrying the rest of the left-over candy.

"Oooh! I want some!" Talim pounced on the chocolate, but Yunsung bounced out of the way.

"No, no, no! You have to do something for me first!" He smirked at her.

"What? I'll do anything for sugar! Whee!" Talim started spinning around.

"I've never seen her like this, what did you do to her Mina?" Siegfried looked at Seung Mina.

"Oh, I just introduced her to my friend, Mr. Coffee and Mrs. Cake... Hey! What made you think it was me?" An offended Mina pouted.

"Who else would have done it?"

"Good point."

Yunsung held the candy above him. "Let me take you out on a date tonight."

Everyone stopped what they were doing, Talim stopped spinning and looked at Yunsung. _What did he just say?_

"Um... I, uh... Sure! Yeah, that-that'd be nice..." Talim blushed and looked down at her feet. Why was she so bashful all of a sudden? It was Yunsung for Heaven's sake! He was one of her best friends...

_But you like him._

_What? Who said that?_

_Me._

_Who's 'me?'_

_You._

_Huh?_

_Argh. Okay, listen: I'm you. I'm just talking to you to make you feel crazy._

_Oh... It's working._

_Good. That's what they pay me for--- Anywho! You like Yunsung, he likes you, and now all your feelings for him are gonna get in the way of everything and make you feel like there are butterflies in your stomach. Also, you'll start daydreaming about your wedding, kids, and what color the kitchen will be when you move into your new house. There may be some jumbled feeling about your other guy friends (Mostly Siegfried and Maxi, and a little bit of Kilik) but forget about them and go for Yunsung! He's a keeper!_

_And how would you know?_

_Shush! Do you want me to get fired? Now go back to reality and answer Yunsung's question._

"What?" Talim looked back up at the fiery haired boy. _Future husband, maybe? AHH! I was right!_

"Is 8 PM good?" Yunsung repeated.

"Yeah... That's fine! Great! Amazing! Fantastic!" She continued yelling words until Mina and the other girls dragged her off to talk to her.

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"Omigosh! Talim! You have a date!" Xianghua squealed, jumping up and down.

"Wonderful! Spectacular! Splendiferous! Groov---" Taki slapped Talim making her stop.

"Taki! You just slapped Talim!" Xianghua gasped.

"So?" the she-ninja shrugged. Talim rubbed her face.

"Never mind that! We need to get Talim ready for the most important night of her life. Other than her wedding of course, but whatever!" Mina flipped her hair (only because she seems like a hair flipper at the moment) and walked up to Talim. "... This might take a while, so let's start!"

"Hey..." Talim sniffled.

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By 7 the girls had managed to make Talim look like a hooker. So they started over and by ten till, she was more presentable. She had a pretty pale blue dress on that ended at her knees and had a string bow in the back, with matching ribbons in her hair. On her feet were plain slip on shoes that resembled Xianghua's P1 outfit in Soul Calibur 2.

The girls surrounded Talim and lead her out to the main hall where Yunsung was waiting with the men. When they had made it down the stairs with no injuries, they moved aside to show Talim.

"Wow... You look amazing." Yunsung smiled and tried not to blush but it must have shown because the other guys were snickering.

"Thanks, you too." Talim blushed and was relived that she didn't start shouting 'Splendiferous!' again. She took the hand that he offered and they walked out the door.

"Aw... Now that is romantic." Siegfried took out a brand new hanky and blew his nose.

"Xianghua..." Kilik suddenly blurted.

"Yes?" She looked hopeful. Xianghua had started to love Kilik again and was hoping he was about to ask her out on a date too.

"Why aren't you wearing shoes?"

"Oh... That... Um... LOOK! There's another Elvis impersonator behind you!" Xianghua ran for it with the other girls right behind her while the boys looked behind Kilik.

"It's just Maxi..." Kilik looked back to not see Xianghua.

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It was a romantic night in a cute way. Both were shy and rarely talked, not wanting to say something and preventing the other from saying something as well.

They walked along a path for a while until they reached the mote. At the dock was one of the platforms with a table and two chairs with a dinner by candle light was waiting. Yunsung grabbed Talim's hand and pulled her along.

"Took me forever to get it right," He laughed. "I forgot you were a vegetarian and had to redo everything."

"Oh, Yunsung... You shouldn't have!" Talim stopped and bit her lip.

"But I wanted to!"

"Yeah, but you really shouldn't have..."

"Why?"

"Because I ate before we got here."

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry! I'll eat this too!"

"No, it's okay! We'll just sit and talk for a while." He continued to the platform and helped Talim board. "Ready?" Talim nodded and sat down. "Okay, hold on for a sec!" He took out White Storm and slashed at the ropes that tied the platform to the dock. It was a bit shakey at first, but it soon evened out and Yunsung joined Talim at the table.

"So..." Talim started.

"Yeah..." Yunsung scratched his head.

"You went out with Cassandra?"

"Um, yeah. It was only for a few months, but she was cool. Also---"

SCREEEEEACH! Rule #1 of dating: Never EVER talk about your Ex. It only makes things bad. UN-SCREEEEEACH!

"Oh." Talim looked out at the water.

"You having a good time since we started this adventure type thing?"

"Yes. It's had its ups and downs, but it's been good. You?"

"If you hadn't have been here, it wouldn't have been as much fun." Yunsung reached over and held her hand in his. _That was sooooo sweet._

"Yunsung... I---" Talim was interrupted by Yunsung raising a finger to her lips. He leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips.

They were quiet the rest of the ride back to the dock. Talim had gone into shock and was staring at her hands and freaking out in her mind. It was her first kiss! Yunsung was freaking out because Talim was so quiet and thought he was going too fast.

When they reached the dock, Yunsung tied the platform back up and helped Talim back off. She stood staring away from Yunsung then turned around and looked up at him. His brown eyes shined in the moonlight. _I love you..._ She thought. But she couldn't bring herself to talk. Instead, she got up on her tip toes and kissed Yunsung.

The kiss lasted until it was broken by a bunch of people yelling, "HOW ROMAAAAAAANTIC!" Mina, Xianghua, Taki, Siegfried, Maxi, Kilik, Yoshimitsu and Rock were all standing a little while away in some bushes.

"Get a room you two!" Maxi laughed.

"Ah, shut it!" Yunsung snapped back. He looked down at Talim who looked back up at him.

"I... I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too."

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Aw! I love this chapter! After much thought I finally decided to put Yunsung and Talim together. I hope no one stabs me for making another Talim x Yunsung fic... But the couple is so cute, I had to! Also, there will be many more pairings later on! And if you think that Kilik and Xianghua will get back together... You may be right. I'm not sure if I want them together anymore, but we'll see.


	22. Let's Go Skiing!

Disclaimer: Whee!! I don't own Soul Calibur, yo.

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**Chapter Twenty-Two: Let's go skiing**

So, Talim and Yunsung are together now (For a little reminder for those who read this, for I haven't updated in a while... sorry!) and that leaves the other (counts fingers) eight, single. But I'll worry about them later.

It was very cold that morning at Ostrigd Castle and so---

"Hey! That's Ostrheinsburg, dimwit!" Siegfried yelled at the sky.

Psh. Well, I get tried of typing that.

"Well, I get tired of you! So, ha!"

Oh yeah? Take this!!

A bolt of lightning shot down from the clouds and struck Siegfried. He looked like a marshmallow that was a tad bit burnt, but still golden brown enough to eat or put with chocolate and gram crackers.

"Sieg? You okay?" Kilik walked out of the castle.

"Yes, just... toasty. Dandy... That sort of thing..." Siegfried coughed.

"Only I can be DANDY!! For I am the Dandy of the East Seas and what I say, is almost law!!" Maxi jumped out of a window and landed right by the other two on all four legs.

"Are you part cat or something?" Siegfried raised an un-freaky eyebrow at Maxi.

"No, part sea."

"Oh."

"Even I knew that..." Kilik boasted.

"Shut up."

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The conversation between a Seaman, a marshmallow and a normal guy continued until they mentioned something about Greece.

"Pst, Maxi! Did you hear?" Kilik whispered.

"No. What?"

"... I don't know."

The two men laughed like maniacs leaving Siegfried confused. He hated being confused. Almost as much as he was scared of his mother... and lizards.

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By noon, when it had gotten quiet chilly outside, the boys decided to head back and talk with the others. But a horrifying site met their eyes as they walked into the family room. Siegfried screamed like a little 4 year old and hid behind Kilik.

"Protect me!" He squeaked.

Maxi and Kilik took our their weapons but Talim ran up to them.

"No! It's okay! Lizardman just wanted to talk over tea! Really..." She smiled and then frowned. "But..." She leaned in to whisper to Maxi, Kilik and Siegfried. "He's kinda weird. All he does is hiss."

"That's a sure sign of evil, right there," Maxi explained. "If they can't speak normally and only hiss, squeak, or don't talk at all and wear something like that!" He pointed at Lizardman who was listening to Xianghua's endless chatter. "But... If you can drink tea and still keep your pinky extended, then I guess you're okay." They all nodded and walked over to join Lizardman.

That left Siegfried to stare at the thing while standing near the door. Was he the only one who could see it?

"Hahaha! I s'know!" Taki slurred. _She must have gotten into my booze! _Siegfried sniffled back a sob. "Let's go skiing!! Wooshee!" And she fell over.

"Yeah, we should! Hey, LM!" Yunsung nodded his head at Lizardman. "You wanna go skiing?" The lizard nodded.

Siegfried stood there and stared some more. How come no one was questioning the sign above Lizardman's head? Siegfried read it again:

WARNING:

LIZARDMAN MUST NOT BE TRUSTED!

HE MAY KNOW HOW TO DRINK TEA AND KEEP HIS PINKY OUT, BUT HE'S STILL EVIL! HE HISSES FOR PETE'S SAKE!!

Do not take him skiing. He will murder you on the slopes if you do.

"Guys!!" Siegfried finally yelled. "Huddle!!" They all looked up and moved over to him. Lizardman remained sitting and Taki was still on the floor.

"What is it?" Yoshimitsu asked.

"Can any of you read?"

"Yeah..." They answered at the same time.

"Then why don't read the sign above Lizardman's head?"

"What sign?" Mina looked back at the lizard. "There's no sign."

"What? Yes there is!" Siegfried looked up and gasped. Lizardman was eating the sign that was once above him.

"Haha. Maybe you've had a little too much booze like Taki, huh?" Rock patted him on the head and walked away with the others back to their seats.

"But... he... and... the pinky... gah! Forget it!" He stormed off to his room to pout.

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While all his friends (including Taki who was sober now) went skiing with their doom, Siegfried stayed in his room by the fireplace, for it was very cold.

"Stupid friends..." His tummy rumbled. "Darn it all!!" He got up and headed for the kitchen. As he walked past the front door the doorbell rang. "We have a doorbell? Cool!" He opened the door to find a bunch of people huddling together for warmth. "I don't like Girl Scout cookies, sorry..."

"Wait! It's us!" A blonde girl stopped him from closing the door.

"Cassandra?"

"You got a problem with that? Now let us in!"

"Yes, ma'am! Right this way!" He stood to the side as Cassandra, Sophitia, Setsuka entered. "I thought we told you to wait at The Lost Cathedral?"

"Taki mailed me another letter telling me to come here," Setsuka rubbed her arms for warmth.

"Oh... okay! The more the merrier!" He looked back at the last one to enter the castle... "Ivy!! Eek!!" He tried to make a run for it while he still could, but Ivy had grabbed him by hair.

"Take me to my room, now."

"Y-yes... ma'am..." Siegfried sobbed rubbing his head. "This way ladies... Ah. Wait..." He turned around. "Only ladies? Where's Olcadan?"

"We killed him and ate him on the way here." Ivy said without changing her emotion.

"..." Everyone turned to look at her.

"I'm kidding! He said he wanted to try and fly here."

"Oh. So he should be crashing through one my windows soon, eh?" Siegfried looked up at his favorite window above the door. It had cute little Cupids on it.

"Yup."

"Drat."

And just then, a white owl/man thing crashed through the Cupid window. Siegfried started crying.

"Howdy! How goes it?" Olcadan asked once he was on the floor.

"Bad..." Siegfried sobbed.

"There, there! Don't be so glum!" He slapped him on the back. "Just think about this: We're stuck in a castle with 4 beautiful ladies!"

"Try anything, owl boy and I'll clip those wings." Ivy crossed her arms and glared.

"... Oh. Um. You can have her!" Olcadan ran off to walk with Cassandra and Sophitia as they headed for their rooms. Setsuka laughed at Ivy and Siegfried.

"You two make a very cute couple... ACK!!" She ran away from them as they chased her with their weapons. Once she was away from them, she yelled, "But Siegfried's a bit short! You may want to take those hooker shoes off!!" But Ivy threw something that landed and shattered only three feet away from her, so Setsuka left it at that.

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Later that night, the others had still not returned from their skiing trip. Siegfried was worried.

"We're starting a search party!!" He announced.

"Not it." Ivy said without looking up from her book.

"Not it!" Sophitia yelled from the bathroom.

"Not it!" Olcadan skipped away to the kitchen.

"Not it..." Setsuka belched.

"I'll do it!" Cassandra squeaked. She jumped up and spun around in a circle until she was dressed in her snow suit. She looked like a cute little blonde eskimo.

Siegfried did the same but ended up in a Super Man outfit. He tried again, and was dressed as Batman. He tried one last time and was dressed in a bunny suit.

"This is probably as good as it'll get." He sighed and headed for the door.

A horrifying sight met Cassandra and Siegfried's eyes as they opened the door.

The others were piled up on top of each other burning and... dead. Lizardman was dancing around them until he saw the two and then he ran for the hills.

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Oh noes! I updated!! Whee!!


	23. Phoenix Down!

Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Calibur! Wow, it feels good to write that.

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**Chapter Twenty-Three: Phoenix Down!**

A horrifying sight met Cassandra and Siegfried's eyes as they opened the door.

The others were piled up on top of each other burning and... dead. Lizardman was dancing around them until he saw the two and then he ran for the hills.

"Um... Wow." Siegfried scratched his chin. "Cass, can you go to the hallway closet and grab the blonde spikey-haired kid? He'll know what to do."

Cassandra ran down the hallway and opened a door. Inside, sat on an upside down bucket, was Cloud Strife. He was eating a Hot Pocket.

"Siegfried said you'd know what to do about our dead friends," She informed him. "Are those my Hot Pockets?"

"What if they are?" He stood up and glared at Cassandra. Pushing past her, he shoved the half-eaten Hot Pocket into her hands and reached into his back pants pocket. He pulled out a feather (bottle?) and walked over to the front door.

"Ah! Thank you, Nimbus." Siegfried took the item.

"Don't call me that." Cloud grumbled.

"Okay, Cirrus."

Cloud stormed back to his closet and took his Hot Pocket back from Cassandra. He shut the door and the Soul Calibur theme played behind the door. Cassandra peeked in to see what he was doing.

On a tiny TV was a CaS character resembling Cloud beating Cassandra into a bloody pulp. Of course, no blood is shed in SC, so Cloud had downloaded a hack. Although... I don't believe you can do that either... Drat. Okay, whatever.

"What's that?" Cassandra asked after skipping back to the door.

"A..." Siegfried threw it at the dead bodies. "PHOENIX DOWN!"

There was a blinding light and a Choir sung a fancy song. The others where alive again!

"That was fun!" Yunsung jumped up. "Let's do it again!"

"NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" Everyone tackled Yunsung to the ground before he could run back to the slopes.

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This is probably THE shortest chapter I've ever seen. But, I am lazy and currently working on a Role Playing Forum for my comic, Magick Academy. Go there! Here's the link, just get rid of the spaces:

http // krizzygirl206 . proboards54 . com/ index . cgi

Sorry, I'll make the next chapter longer! WAY LONGER!! I promise!


	24. I'm Sorry Pool!

Disclaimer: I no owney Soul Calibur... ey. And look! I've decided to continue the story! Amazing, I know. Hopefully, I can keep on track and update every week. (I really should have updated during Winter Break, but I forgot about this site. Also, I was terribly sick with the flu.)

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Chapter Twenty-Four: I'm Sorry Pool!!

After the misadventures at the slopes, the Final Fantasy VII's Cloud cameo and some football tackling, things started to die down a little.

"Give me back my monkey!!"

Well, sort of.

Siegfried ran down the hallway on the second floor of his castle. That darn ninja chick had taken a live monkey away from him that an adoring fan had sent in that morning. He suspected that she was going to eat its brains. And that simply wasn't acceptable with him.

He turned a corner, and stopped. Nothing. Nothing anywhere. Seriously.

All the wall decorations, vases, end tables, carpets and doors were missing from the hallway. The German's eyes moved from one side of the hallway to the other, searching for something that the dirty ninja didn't take. Except for the walls and windows, and of course, the floor, there was nothing. He mumbled and turned around, heading back to the ground floor to question the so-called friends he kept the company of.

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Talim looked up as Siegfried entered, all pouty and mad. She had a terrible feeling where this was heading, and she was usually right about these feelings. Maxi sat next to her on the couch, snoring loudly. It was distracting her from her reading. She had no idea where everyone else ran off to, and she really didn't care. She just wished they took Maxi with them.

"Where are the other turds?" Siegfried demanded.

"Erm... What? Turds? I think those are in the bathroom... You know, where they usually are..." Talim curled a strand of hand around her finger and marked her place in the book on her lap.

"Don't be a smart-bottom, missy... Where are---" Before he could finish, there came a blood curdling scream from the back of the castle, possibly even the backyard area.

"Huh? Uh? Wha?" Maxi jerked awake and looked around. "I didn't do it this... time..." He slowly fell back asleep and Talim and Siegfried hurried off to make sure the castle wasn't on fire.

What they saw in the backyard was much worse than the inferno of bodies a few nights ago. Much worse. And much more wet, too.

In the large pool was a small boat, that was currently sinking. The remainder of the cast was either on it, jumping off or already in the water. They were throwing overboard the missing tables, doors and such to help themselves survive. The two sane ones stood with their mouths slightly open. Siegfried's eye twitched. Somewhere in the distance a dog barked. And tumbleweed rolled across the feet of Talim and Siegfried.

"I have a pool?" Siegfried whispered, slapping his face to stop the twitching.

"A filthy pool." Talim added.

The boat sank to the bottom, people still on it. Cassandra lay on a door, holding onto Yunsung's hands. She was crying and shivering, since it was rather cold out and the water made it worse.

"I won't let go, Jack..." She said, letting go of Yunsung. He quickly grabbed the door and glared up at Cassandra.

"Hells no. You will continue to hold me so I don't drown."

"But..."

"I can't swim, smarty pants!"

"Jack can swim..."

"I can't. And I'm not Jack."

Siegfried's eye twitched. Not only did he have a pool, these people were reenacting a movie and stealing his first swim privilege that came with a pool! He scurried off back into the castle, leaving Talim to stand and watch. He returned with something tucked under his arm, and a crazy look in his eye.

Bad feeling again.

Talim backed away from the pool as Siegfried rushed past her and tossed the thing into the pool. It landed and splashed near Cassandra's door that she didn't want to share. Everyone stopped acting like frozen corpses and looked to what made the noise.

Siegfried snickered and started running back into the castle, grabbing Talim's arm as he ran. He really didn't mind her, so she might as well live.

"What was that?" Talim asked as he bolted the door shut and started running for the opposite side of the building.

"Nothing."

She sighed and walked after him. As she passed the room she was in earlier, she noticed that Maxi had disappeared. She didn't have much time to dwell on this, however, as there was a large boom and a rattling of paintings on walls and stone falling. Then a splash. And a few thumps.

It was a bomb, if you hadn't already figured that out. And Talim's glare went straight to Siegfried, giggling like a schoolgirl in the farthest corner from the pool.

This time, it was Talim's eye's turn to twitch.

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Pulling the last of the bodies away from the wreckage of pool and ship, Talim ran her sleeve across her forehead. She sat herself on the nearest body and sipped her lemonade. It was a tad sour. She made a mental note to add more sugar to the pitcher after her work was done.

The body under her bottom started moving and then rolled, causing Talim to jump off and spill her sour lemonade.

"Don't sit on me, fatty." Ivy growled and wobbled to her feet. Like the others, she was dressed in some fashion unknown to the time. (Really, they are wearing clothes as seen in Titanic, which I don't own.)

There was the eye twitch again.

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"Where's Ivy?" Seung Mina looked up from her dinner and asked anyone who was willing to answer. They had to ask the guy in the closet for another Phoenix Down to bring everyone back to life again. He gave it up only after they promised to bring him meals so he could stop eating Hot Pockets. Cassandra was more than happy to.

Talim coughed.

Everyone looked at her, an eyebrow raised. Well, not Ocladan, since he had an owl's head and it was impossible for him to. But everyone else did.

"What? She's just playing Miner in the backyard..."

They all sighed in unison and started cleaning up the table before heading for the back door.

Talim lead the way to a mound of dirt and pointed. "There. I buried her there. Happy?"

"No! Why did you do that?" Mina shook her head, turning her palms skyward.

While the two girls yelled at each other, the rest started talking about how they would get her out. And even if they really wanted to get her out. Things would be much nicer if she was gone. But, as they all knew, they needed her for the upcoming battle.

Siegfried stood off to the side, staring down at the rubble of a pool he now had. He sniffed. "I'm sorry pool..."

Meanwhile, Taki and Maxi were sitting on the roof, staring at the stars and listening to the bickering of their friends. It would have been romantic, had it not been for the monkey sitting between them.

"I think we should name him Frankfort." Maxi said, his hands behind his head and laying on his back.

"That's a stupid name. It's going to be Curry, since I stole him."

"Okay, that's a good name."

"Yeah..."

Their eyes drifted to each other. Was this...? They quickly looked away and back up at the stars.

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Hopefully, this was long enough to satisfy you all till next week. Or possibly even tomorrow, depending on what I feel like doing later. Stay tuned for more in Chapter 24: Maxi's Accident!


	25. Maxi's Accident

_Disclaimer: OHMYGOONESS. I haven't updated this since 2008 and aaaaaagh, you don't know how much I missed this. I also have this other story/chat thing for Soul Calibur called "Soul Calibur Chat Rooms… of DOOM*?" and they were pretty silly. I haven't worked on either in forever. And to be honest… my writing style has change a lot over the last few years, and I've forgotten a lot of what I had planned. I might have the old files saved to a disc (I had titles and plots figured out for the rest of the series…) But I think I'm going to just wing it and do whatever. I've been in a fan fiction-y mood lately and this will be my first project. I read all your reviews and I was all, "AAAAWWWW. THEY LOOOOVE MEEEEE." But really, you just love me for my brain. Which is better than loving me for my body, I guess…_

_Anyway, I don't own Soul Calibur (oh! It feels so nice to say that again!) and please just don't sue me. I missed you all, and I hope you log on sometime after I post this so you can see I've updated (and improved!)_

_Aaaaaand just for me (and also you) here's a quick list of the team that live in Ostrheinsburg Castle: Talim, Siegfried, Yunsung, Seung-Mina, Taki, Maxi, Curry the Monkey, Ocladan, Cloud (in the hallway closet), Cassandra, Ivy, Kilik, Xianghua, Rock, Sophitia, Setsuka… and I think that's it. If I forgot someone, I'm sorry… But those are the ones that are important. (Mitsurugi? Yoshimitsu? Maybe? Hilde will also be added later on… Because this story was started before SC4 came out.)_

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**Chapter Twenty-Five: **Maxi's Accident

The short brunette girl with a 38C chest, glasses and a rainbow belt of +5 awesome stood in front of the sorry excuse for a team, who all looked ashamed, looking at their feet and fiddling with their thumbs or strands of hair. Her arms were crossed and her foot was tapping the stone floors of Ostrheinsburg Castle. Her shoes were unusual to the team, but they knew better than to question them. They wanted to question all of her, from her T-shirt with a little orange bear in a red shirt to her blue trousers made of some weird material with sparkly designs on the legs, but they feared that if they opened their mouths, this feisty little thing would rip their tongues out and feed them to the guy in the closet with the spiky hair.

"Now, I know I've neglected you for a few years, but that's no excuse for what you did. I thought I raised you all better than this? How… ugh. I can't even talk about it…." She said, her hands coming up to massage her temples. The team exchanged nervous glances.

A hand meekly rose into the air, and everyone's eyes widen in fear at the pathetic soul who was dumb enough to do such a thing.

"What is it, Maxi?" The girl asked, giving up the attempt to rid herself of the headache.

Maxi let his hand fall back into his lap, and tried to meet the eyes of the others, who all quickly looked away - either back at their feet, the ceiling or Curry the monkey, who was sitting on the floor by Taki. Even the monkey knew better than to make eye contact.

"I-I want… I would like to… uhm…." he gulped, wringing his hands. "I want to take all responsibility for what happened. Because, well.. It was my fault. And… I'm sorry…?"

The girl's face didn't flinch from it's emotionless state. Oh, she knew Maxi was the cause of all this, and she had to give him kudos for speaking up and admitting it, but she wasn't in much of a forgiving mood today. She sighed, turned away from the team and walked into the hallway. They heard her opening the hallway closet door and talking to Cloud, what exactly it was they were unsure, but she sounded less angry. There was some scuffling around and then the girl returned carrying in a large body bag at one end and Cloud helping with the other. They set the bag down and she tossed a Scooby Snack in his general direction - which he leaped into the air to catch and then scurried off to the closet again.

"Maxi," the girl said, stepping forward to single out the Elvis-wannabe better. "Do you know what this is?"

He looked down at the bag and then back up at the girl. "… the… accident…?"

The girl smiled, and a chill went through the entire team. "That's right. The accident. Your accident. Should we open it to refresh the memories of the rest here?" She started to lean down to unzip it, but everyone leapt up and yelled a resounding "NO!" which halted her descent. She straightened and pushed her glasses back up her nose. "Well, then how about you tell the class what you did, Maxi? I'd love to hear it again."

The pirate looked down at his lap and bit his lip. "I, uhm… I killed that one guy…"

"That's right. You killed 'that one guy' who just so happens to be our main rival in this little adventure. It escapes me how you were able to single-handedly do this, and really, we should be thanking you, but you did something very bad, which is what brings us here. What will we do now that Nightmare is dead? Oh, and wait. What was that other thing?" She said, sarcasm oozing out of her pores. "Soul Edge is missing! Oh, joys upon joys! Now instead of getting all our allies together and having an epic battle and offing Nightmare then and there and taking Soul Edge to destroy, we now have to search the globe for it. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Maxi had nothing to say for himself. He hadn't meant to kill Nightmare. It just sort of… happened.

Another hand slowly came up and the girl nodded at them to speak.

"Why don't we just ask the guy in the closet for one of those things that bring you back to life?" Siegfried asked. "Those always worked before."

"You want to know why? Because for some reason you all can't stay alive for more than two days. He's out, and isn't planning on buying anymore for a while. Plus, I told him not to. You all need to learn a lesson that life is short. So be careful, and don't make me angry. Because if you do, I will write you out of this story faster than you can say, 'plot twist.' I'm going to leave this here for you to decide what to do with, because frankly, I'm fed up. Just watch yourself." The girl made sure to give a disapproving look to each of them (and a failed wink at Siegfried) before turning on her heel and storming out of the castle, off to where-ever it is authors live.

**IXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI**

The team sat in silence, all eyeing the body bag in front of them. Curry was a bit curious, but new better than to poke his nose in this kind of business, and stayed near Taki, who was glaring at Maxi. Eventually, all eyes fell on him and turned into glares. Maxi squirmed in his seat.

"Well, I personally think you should dispose of the body, Maxi. Because as much as I hate Nightmare and wanted him dead and gone, I wanted to do it myself," Siegfried huffed, leaning back in his chair and giving him his best epic pout face. Many of the others agreed with this and all watched as Maxi stood up and grabbed a corner of the body bag and pulled it out into the hallway, where he heard Cloud playing something with a cute little tune and weird noises when people talked. He peeked in and saw a little spiky hair person on the tiny TV running around with a net and hitting animals wearing clothes on the heads and picking weeds and eating fruit. Weirdo.

He continued hauling the body outside, where a new lawn had been laid in place of the pool that had met a disastrous end in a reenactment of Titanic. Maxi dropped the end he had been pulling and looked around for a shovel. Would he have to dig a grave with his bare hands?

A little voice spoke up from behind him, "Maxi? Do you want some help?" It was Talim, of course, because who else is forgiving and nice and amazing? She had a little gardening spade in her hands. "I don't know what happened to the shovel, but I have this…" She offered it and Maxi grumbled and accepted it. This would take forever, but with this, that meant Talim would have to dig with her hands and he could stay clean.

The two set to digging, and by dark only managed to get a three foot deep grave. They said that was probably okay, and if wild animals dug him up, whatever. He was a bad guy, after all, and there was nothing good about him. They dropped the body bag into the hole and Maxi gave a little salute and Talim tried humming a little song, but the two realized what they were doing and just kicked the dirt back into the hole until the body of Nightmare was covered.

**IXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI**

"UGH. THAT BASTARD!" Ivy yelled, throwing a priceless vase across the room that then shattered against a wall. Siegfried died a little inside. "Not only did he kill Nightmare, he also got the Author involved. I was about to pee my pants; I thought she was going to just kill us all then and there."

"You're not wearing pants…" Taki said, flipping through a book. Her comment was only heard by a few since Yunsung and Kilik began talking over her.

"We should kill him!" "Let's go buy some Phoenix Downs!" "Cloud will know where!" "Okay!" The two skipped off down the hall to try and haggle with him for the information.

"Well, whatever we do," Seung-Mina said, standing up to address the remaining team. "We need to do it soon. If we don't have a plot, who will want to read this?"

"… what are you talking about? Read us?" Sophitia squinted at the strange girl (why did her sister pick such weird people to be friends with?) Taki's eyes widened and quickly closed the book. She suspected they were reading them through the books in the house. She quickly got up and collected the few leather-bound novels in the room and left to find a safe place to burn them.

"I'm not entirely sure," she said, watching Taki leave. Mina shrugged. "I don't know. Whatever. Just… forget it. I'm not feeling well… I… I'm going to go… wash my hair or something?" The bad character was then shunned by the author for almost giving away the fantasy of a story.

**Rule 1 of fan fiction: **Don't talk about fan fiction.

**Rule 2 of fan fiction: **Don't talk about fan fiction.

**Rule 3 of fan fiction: **Keep things going, even when things don't go your way because of some idiot character who decided to do whatever he felt like and ruining everything and landing you in hot water (and not a hot tub or hot spring, either. A boiling vat of water meant for lobsters.)

**IXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI**

For the rest of the evening, things were awkward in the castle. The team tried to just avoid each other for a while so they could think up a new battle plan to find that sword when the one guy who knew its location was buried in their backyard. Maxi was shunned and eventually Mina was allowed to come back and resume her role as the crazy lady (or the Laughing Demon.)

The doorbell rang and they all stopped what they were doing, wherever they were. Was it the author? Was it one of their enemies come to claim Nightmare's body? Was it the pizza Ocladan ordered?

Siegfried, being the owner of the castle, hesitated at the door, but slowly opened it a crack and peeked out, only to be greeted by two breasts covered in armor. "HELLOOOOOOOOOO NUR-" He was promptly knocked out and the team all hurried to see what made Siegfried make a lame Animaniacs reference.

**IXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXI**

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Aha! Finally! A new chapter! Yay! And I'm sure you can guess who it is. Who else wears armor and has boobs? Wait… there are actually a few…. Hmm… Whatever._

_Let me know what you think of the new style of writing (because it's how I write now and you better like it.) And if there's anything you've ever wanted to see happen in this story, tell me and I'll most likely include it. I need ideas, and my sister is at class right now, so I have to wait till later tonight for her brain. I'll be starting the next chapter after I post this, but if I get your review before I finish, I might include a piece here and there. And then in other chapters (also, to add those character in the Chronicles of the Sword story? I really liked it, but I dunno if those characters really have a place in here…) _


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